Some people hate James Corden. They want the ground to break open and swallow him right up, with all the ?stupid? ?comedy? things that he says. His amiable, cheeky chappy demeanour just rubs people up such the wrong way that not only would they not piss on him if he was on fire, but they would probably light sparklers on his burning corpse and start a carnival.
Imagine the things you'd see. The sights and sounds of burning fat spitting on possibly e.coli contaminated hotdogs. Lovely.
Whereas on the other side of the coin, there's people who adore the ground that he walks on and will happily tune into whatever he does. These people would probably not piss on him if he was on fire. They would probably phone the fire brigade and stand idly by and bite their nails waiting for Dennis the Fire Engine to turn up. Maybe taking a picture and uploading it to Twitter, or that fancy new Google Plus. Technological mavens that they are.
Us, well we wouldn't say one way or another how we feel about James Corden. You don't come to Hecklerspray for angry reactionary prose about things. Imagine, right? Right.
Well Corden is doing a massive publicity drive to drum up sales for his autobiography which has a handwritten title no doubt… and what's the best way to drum up some attention for something? Well by dressing up as a woman is how. Just look at Corrie. Once they became Transsexualisation Street, the ratings went through the roof. Not just because they made it seem to Roy Cropper wasn?t going to embark on a paedophile inspired kidnap culminating in a dash from Underworld with a toddler under each arm into a white van.
But because they were addressing ?issues.?
Obviously Corden isn't addressing any issues, apart from making us aware that everyone STILL loves Adele, but that doesn't stop him from popping his penis between his legs and dragging up. Maybe they even went the whole hog (so to speak). Who knows?
Talking to Heat, between rearranging his flattened package, Corden gushed
?I love Adele so much. I find what she's achieved and keeps achieving an inspiration to any young singer-songwriter out there. I met her on her first-ever performance on T4. You could just tell then how huge she was going to be. She's exceptional. It makes me excited about presenting the BRITs next year, knowing that the biggest-selling female artist in the world is going to be there. And she's part of our little island. She's just taken over the World.?
Obviously what Corden meant to say was she's ?part of our little island? because she's an actual counterweight so Britain doesn't keelhaul us all into the English Channel. While Adele stays around, we can live happy without sliding into the Sea.
So let's put our hands together for James Corden. It seems that flashing his magina keeps the Great Sea God Adele from dooming us all to a life of floating on doors and rafts made from broken settees.
It didn't do Leonardo di Caprio so well at the end of Titanic is it? Winslet couldn't save him from a watery grave could she? So presumably it's just fire that she can jump through with the lithe of a thousand Batmen. And maybe when all those powers combine, Kwame is Joseph Gorden Levitt and Tom Hardy is still a hulking dick.
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arzkazoo says
What a talentless fat bastard.
Put down that pie and attempt to develop some talent, you bloated man-cow.
Derooftrouser says
He’s great in ‘One Man, TWo Guv’nors’ at the National.
I think he just gets a bit trapped in being ‘Smithy’ 24/7.
arzkazoo says
He’s also “great” at eating pies.