Jade Goody – a creation of Lord God when he was either experimenting too much, or was drunk. Really, that is the only conclusion we can draw when trying to analyse and work out this woman.
Previously confined to one of London’s many gutter suburbs, her shrieking ways were projected to a far greater audience when she entered the Big Brother 3 house five years ago. Yes, that’s right: five bloody years ago.
Unlike most Big Brother contestants, this annoying cockroach didn’t lose its head after the show ended and consequently die out of the public’s view a year later. Strangely, she managed to keep a decent profile in the public eye and launched successful perfumes despite them smelling like a cross between vomit and Lynx Africa.
But when her fame did start to run out, she returned to the one thing that gave birth to her – Big Brother. In 2007 she returned as a “celebrity” and gave the show all the publicity it needed. Sadly 54,000 complaints of racial abuse wasn’t what Channel 4 had in mind.
Despite being called Celebrity Big Brother, the show still had Jade Goody featured as a contestant and a host of other people apparently classed as ‘celebrity’ for the most arbitrary reasons. Randomly, and to our delight, Jermaine Jackson was included. For the duration of the show, the hecklerspray office was full of crap references to the Michael Jackson kiddy touching case and constant plays of Jackson 5 records.
Those were the good times.
Channel 4 also promised us the inclusion of a massive film star – technically they did include Shilpa Shetty who is a major Bollywood star, but most people from Stoke were left scratching their arse and asking “who is that woman from the local curry house?” Sadly for Shilpa, Jade and fellow racists Jo O’Meara and Danielle Lloyd also joined in the fun of picking on someone who was slightly different to them. Choice comments from the trio of hags included:
“I’ve seen how she goes in and out of people’s arseholes”, suggesting that Shetty “makes [her] skin crawl”, calling her ‘Shilpa fuckawhiler’ and ‘Shilpa Poppadom’.
Other accusations included the usage of the term ‘paki’ – a word that we feel embarrassed to use, even for comedy effect in making Jade Goody look even more like a massive fuckwit.
Consequently the British public wasn’t dumb enough to fall for Jade’s teary pig like squeals as she later tried to amend her bullying ways. Her fellow racist sidekicks including the blond one from S Club 7 and some model from Essex also faced negative runs of publicity.
In the time Jade has spent away from our TV screens, not making us cry with rage, Jade has done pretty much nothing. Though we did find this very random deal for a “Watch it” cookbook. Unfortunately it’s not 101 uses for bacon, ham, gammon and sausage but a cookbook for Christmas dinner. If you missed it last year then rummage around in the discount section of your local Quality Save for it. The blurb says:
“I was pretty useless in the kitchen but Watch it…Do it has given my confidence a huge boost and I’m actually looking forward to cooking the turkey this year! Ordinary Recipe books tend to scare me as I don’t really know the basics but with Watch it…Do it, I know that all the steps are there to follow from peeling and slicing to actually cooking. If I can follow the recipes to make a delicious Christmas dinner…anyone can! They make the perfect Xmas present!”
The follow up for the Easter egg decoration kit obviously hasn’t been commissioned.
Consequently, Jade has had to revert to her past again and leech off Big Brother. Whilst she’s not being put in the Big Brother 8 series to mock people with disabilities, she is instead being taken to India to take part in the show known as “Big Boss”.
No surprises for guessing that Shilpa Shetty is the host and will probably take great delight in watching Jade ask the contestants why the don’t speak English and what that dot in the middle of their head is for. The Guardian reports:
“She was really upset about everything that happened after the scandal last year. She really wants to clear her name and prove to everyone that she’s not a racist.”
Of course the reported £100,000 payment for her involvement has nothing to do with things whatsoever. Still, we can’t argue – she’s out of the country for a while and we only have to deal with Big Brother for another month or two ’til we get to see what crap deals the rest of them sign up to.
Amanita says
Good news is the fat ugly bitch who doesn’t deserve to see another day on this earth has been ousted from the show because of her diagnosis. The fucking bitch. Jo and Danielle… you guys have a good fucking laugh with her when she gets back, aye?
Goody bye Goody.. dont get well and take you’re posse with along with you, you ugly fat bitch. India hates you. Britain hates you. You’re a fucking shame. Please don’t embarrass Britain again. I quite like it and don’t want people like you changing my opinion about it.
amanita says
The pig is out of Big Boss. Goody good riddance to bad rubbish, you vile woman from hell. Puke.