One of these days, Kristen Stewart will pull a convincing smile. One of these days, Robert Pattinson will pull a convincing face. Seriously, he’s *that close* to showing a sign of expression. We all keenly await it like people staring at someone due out of a coma.
Well, the pair of them may have privately nearly pulled expressions as it seems they have gone through that most painful of experiences – which we’re poking fun at because we’re heartless fools – a break-up.
That’s right masturbating fantasists! You can now imagine marrying one of these people in some shivering, glittery fleshed union as they are now on the market after Kristen Stewart totally dumped Robert Pattinson’s arse on the kerb.
It is reported that this crushingly dull couple spend most of their time apart and have become intensely bored of each other. After working with each other in numerous films and living together, it seems familiarity has ushered in contempt for each other.
Sadly, not the kind of contempt Charlie Sheen shows for furniture, but rather, the kind of contempt that sees them both stood motionlessly in rooms, just glaring at each other. Kristen probably walked out on Pattinson who didn’t realise he was now living alone for a good fortnight, so little was the difference.
Likewise, Kristen Stewart has spent the best part of the week trying to remember who it was she dumped.
So non-eventful was their relationship, the pair will no doubt be able to continue as friends and co-workers because, even when pressed, they really won’t even remember seeing each other naked or sharing a slowly chewed meal together.
So there you have it. The most sought after adult is on the market again, aimlessly wandering around the world with barely an expression on his face, waving idly at anything that screams at him.
Just as God intended, obviously.
Pattinson stars in something or other due out some time in the future or whatever it was we reported on a while ago.
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a says
“waving idly at anything that screams at him.” You got that right. Big crowd pleaser. Very funny.
silky says
can that be true, it’s over between rob and kristen, gossip cop says the break up untrue
carolyn says
You just show yourselves as being as adolestent as so many “fans” and “haters”, for whatever the f*ck they/you would have for people you don’t enen know, and not having an inkling as to what Rob is like as a person, NOT EDWARD!!! I’ve met him on several occasions, and can vouch for what ALL people say who know and have met him; He is endearing, charming, very nice, extremely funny and, always has a smile on his face- followd by a witty comment…Brilliant musician, and besides Twilight, his other movies show he can act. F*ck you and all you misguided info and R/K hate…Adore you Rob!!!
carolyn says
You just show yourselves as being as adolestent as so many
May says
They were dating?
d says
Fans speculate. They are both very private. They are working together for more than 3 years now.