The best thing about being in the Spears family is that nobody will ever underestimate your clanging stupidity.
Britney Spears asking if Hinduism was like Kabbalah? No surprise. Lynne Spears writing a parenting guide with one daughter a pregnant schoolgirl and another daughter in a mental hospital? Saw it coming.
Jamie Lynn Spears getting underage liposuction on her stomach because she was getting fat but didn’t realise it was because she was pregnant? No, wait, that is actually profoundly stupid. So it’s just as well that Jamie Lynn Spears said it didn’t happen, then, even though everyone else said it did.
These members of the Spears family are really starting to make our blood boil. They just sit there, completely inert, until Britney Spears decides to release an album – at which point they all leap to life, hoping that they can catch a glimmer of Britney’s limelight to demonstrate a new facet of their perpetual cluelessness.
Just today Kevin Federline decided to use Britney’s fleeting moment of glory to blame his own children for his divorce in print, and now it seems like Jamie Lynn Spears might have had liposuction during pregnancy because she didn’t understand why she was getting so fat. What next? A story about Sean Preston cutting his face off with Crayola? A YouTube video of Old Nanna Spears walking into a closed screen door 150 times over the course of half an hour?
But anyway, back to our original point. Rumours are circulating that Jamie Lynn Spears had liposuction treatments on her stomach while she was pregnant with her daughter because she couldn’t understand why she was getting all, like, fat and crap. The Boston Herald reports:
The teenage star discovered that weight was piling on and pleaded with her mom, Lynne, to let her get liposuction, Star Magazine reports. ?She didn't know she was pregnant when she filled out the health questionnaire prior to the procedure,? a source said. ?Her mom approved the injections and went through tons of red tape to get the clinic to administer them to an underage patient.?
Now, we feel we should point out that Jamie Lynn Spears has denied these claims, but we don’t know if that’s better or worse. Ask yourself this – would you rather unknowingly blunder into a liposuction procedure despite being pregnant, or would you rather people just thought that you were such a bafflingly stupid shitclump that pregnant liposuction was a perfectly feasible thing to expect from you? Jamie Lynn Spears can’t really win either way, can she?
We’ve been here before, of course. Remember when it was claimed that Jamie Lynn Spears had got pregnant again because she thought that breastfeeding was a natural contraceptive? Turns out that wasn’t true. See? Jamie Lynn Spears is a lot more intelligent than you give her credit for.
And that other time, too, when Jamie Lynn Spears was so scared of telling anyone about her pregnancy that she had to write a letter about it and hand it to her mother? Yeah, that one wasn’t true eith…
Wait, that one was true? Dear God. We retract everything.