Of all the bad news we’ve ever heard, this is a kind of brand-new soul-rapingly terrible type of news – Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again.

Or at least Jamie Lynn Spears might be pregnant again. Just four short months after giving birth to her first baby, 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly eight weeks up the duff with her second baby. And, if the reports are true, Jamie Lynn Spears reacted the same way any proud mother would if they discovered that they were bringing new life into the world – by “crying her eyes out.”

This is, it’s claimed, because Jamie Lynn Spears thought that it was impossible to get pregnant while you’re breastfeeding. And if that’s the case, the message is clear – stay in church, kids. It certainly worked for Jamie Lynn.

Now that Britney Spears has hit the straight and narrow hard in order to promote that song of hers where she just says ‘womanizer’ a bunch of times, it’s down to the other members of the Spears clan to pick up the slack in the ‘unsettlingly berserk’ department. And we’re sure that Britney will be incredibly grateful when she sees what you might have just done, Jamie Lynn Spears.

You might remember that, just four short months ago, Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to a baby that she conceived when she was just 16 years old. Her pregnancy seemed to be comprised of various sad-faced magazine covers and handwritten letters to her mother explaining the pregnancy because she was too shamefaced to tell her out loud.

But that’s all in the past. Now Jamie Lynn Spears has learnt her lesson from her last unexpected pregnancy, and she’s determined to put all that behind her to become the most responsible parent that she can… oh, Jesus Christ, she hasn’t, has she? Jamie Lynn Spears has got pregnant again? Already? What a massive donkey turd. NME reports:

Britney Spears sister Jamie Lynn is reportedly pregnant with her second child, just three months after becoming a mother to a baby girl. The report in the National Enquirer said that Spears was not aware that one could become pregnant while breastfeeding. The teenager reportedly “cried her eyes out” when a home pregnancy test came back positive.

By the way, unborn Spears kid, if you happen to be reading this in the year 2021, then just take a look at that last paragraph again. You made your mother cry. And your granny went hysterical when she found out too, the article says. Why did you do that? You evil child. This is all your fault! Bad unborn Spears baby! Bad!

If this report is true, then Jamie Lynn Spears has managed to trump even her sister’s record of getting accidentally pregnant again quite quickly after childbirth. Congratulations, Jamie Lynn! You’re number one!

And, while we’re sure this is a scary time for you, with the responsibility of caring for two newborn babies instead of just one bearing down on you and all, but you need to see the positives in all of this. In a few months you’ll have two beautiful healthy children to look after. That’s like double the happiness.

Plus at least this way Lynne Spears gets to write another book about what a couple of shitboxes her children are.