Remember the halcyon days when Westlife were a five-piece. They all looked so perfect in photographs with their highlighted curtains and work-sweaters from River Island. They really were the most refreshing thing to get off a stool in pop since GG Allin.
Then, the band went all off-balance when, unfathomably, Brian McFadden decided to go ‘indie’, which actually meant growing a bit of a beard, wearing a parka and… well… still peddling turgid, plodding pop music. Westlife, of course, continued doing exactly the same as before (which actually means, ‘doing as they were told’) and set about becoming the most earnest entertainers in the history of mankind.
BUT WAIT! Is McFadden going to rejoin Westlife? Have they seen Robbie’s reunion with Take That and thought ‘Hey! That’s a really clever, cynical marketing ploy to shift a few more tickets and albums! Provided Brian doesn’t do that rape song…’?
When a boyband runs out of ideas, it is a good idea to trade on the vague drama they’ve had in their career.
This usually manifests itself in a song about how much they’ve grown up, complete with a black and white montage video of all the members, complete with slightly embarrassing footage of them starting out and slo-mo screaming fans in a stadium somewhere (usually South America to show just how popular they are worldwide).
Sadly, most boybands are completely soap-opera free. In Take That’s case, they are an actual band, so the slightly pretentious documentaries, scandals and reunions are as close to the real deal as supposedly more credible rock bands. In the case of Westlife, they’ve simply forged a career through tenacity. They simply refuse to go away. The closest thing to controversy is when doe-eye in chief, Shane Filan, responded to a potential McFadden reunion last year, when he said:
“I don’t think it’s even remotely interesting if Brian came back”
That’s almost an opinion! That’s definitely the closest thing Westlife have ever gotten to trouble. Naturally, that thinking has been swept under the rug now. The crease has been ironed out. There’s no need for Westlife to be even remotely interesting. Shane now says:
“I look up to bands like Take That who are the best out there and it was good to see them put the past behind them and move on by having Robbie back.”
“I’d never rule out Brian coming back because there never was a bad patch with him. Brian was great with fans. I definitely think some day it would be great fun to sing with Brian again.”
See? How staggeringly uninteresting is that? We hoped for ‘we’d reluctantly take him back… he was a prize weapon just before he left and he’s got some serious apologising to do… mainly for that gaspingly peculiar chin he’s got.’ But no. Everything is lovely and beige in the Westlife garden. How bloody wonderful.
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EssBen says
“the most refreshing thing to get off a stool in pop since GG Allin”
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no way you can top that :D