Great news – I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is back on the telly. And that means two things: 1) we get to watch another bunch of nobodies pretend to suffer during a televised Australian holiday 2) there’s more stuff for us to bet on.
Let’s face it – watching people so unfamous that they’re not even in pantomime this year getting covered in snake guts is pretty funny. But betting on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here takes the whole show to a different level. Or, at the very least, you’ll be able to feel something apart from total ambivalence towards The Ugly One From Blue.
The, ahem, ‘celebrities’ are already in the jungle and probably complaining about some pointless nonsense, so let’s take a look at the early betting odds to win I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, with some help from Betfair.com…
Jilly Goolden – Jilly will be familiar to you as that woman whose
tongue doesn’t work very well. She’ll have a drink of wine and tell you
that it tastes like Bryan Ferry‘s second-hand Gameboy or something. She
also speaks every sentence as if she’s just run up a big hill to tell
you some very important news. What has this got to do with her ability
to wash her pants in an Australian river? Not a bloody lot, we don’t mind telling
you. Current odds – 42
Elaine Lordan – Elaine used to be known as the chavviest member of
the Eastenders cast, what with her old man’s voice, off-screen fights
and being drunk all the time. But from now on, we’re expecting her to
be known as the flake from I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Just
walking across a bridge made her faint; she hasn’t even had to stick
wasps up her nose, or whatever it is they make these people do. We’re not even sure if she’s still part of the show. Current odds – 38
Kimberley Davies – Boys of a certain age will know Kimberley as
Annalise Hartman from Neighbours, the soap character who appeared to be
invented by an evil scientist intent on making pubescent boys wank
themselves to death. Kimberly, aka the cut-price Pamela Anderson, left
Neighbours to make it big in the movies, only to return to Neighbours
and then appear in a crummy ITV reality TV show. Life’s cruel
sometimes. Current odds – 25
Jimmy Osmond – Poor Jimmy Osmond. He’ll be forever known as the
least-cool Osmond – perhaps the least-auspicious title in the history
of the world. Less apple pie-cutesy than Donny or Marie, less fat than
Alan, less amusingly facially haired than Jay or Merrill and less
anonymous than Wayne; Jimmy treads a lonely path. We don’t even think
he sang on Crazy Horses, let alone One Bad Apple. Jimmy must be praying
that I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here puts him back where he belongs,
rather than doing rubbish residency concerts in Blackpool. At least by hiding salt in a bear he’s standing out from the crowd. Current odds – 18.5
Jenny Frost – Jenny seems to want to ape the success of her fellow
ex-Atomic Kitten Liz McClarnon on Celebrity Love Island, only hopefully
without being as silent and pointless as Liz was. She appears to be
completely in love with herself, so it’s a matter of time before she
decides to start larking about in a bikini in order to kickstart her
flat-lining solo career. Current odds – 18
Carol Thatcher – Carol Thatcher is obviously taking the Germaine
Greer role in this series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here as the
older, vaguely intellectual woman. She’s the daughter of Maggie
Thatcher, so she’ll clearly be used to all the vicious reptiles she’ll
meet in the jungle, ha ha ha. You’ll be sick of jokes like these in a
fortnight, trust us. She’s been chosen for the first Bushtucker trial – does this mean people like her or hate her? Current odds – 16
Antony Costa – Antony was the one in Blue who wasn’t as handsome as
Duncan, as cool as Simon or as weird as Lee. In a sense, he’s the
Mikey Graham of Blue. You can see in his eyes that he was just winging
it through his time with Blue, and he’s only in I’m A Celebrity Get Me
Out Of Here so he can land a cushy ITV2 presenting gig somewhere down
the line. Maybe The World’s Greatest Falling Off A Bridge clip-show? Current odds – 9
David ‘The Duke’ Dickinson – Each series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me
Out Of Here has a contestant who gets called a patronising nickname
instead of their real name. This year, that horrific role goes to David
Dickinson, hero to hilarious ironic students everywhere. The producers
have maybe sensed that saying "David" is too much to ask of their
viewers, so he’ll be known as ‘The Duke’ for the series. Anyway, we
reckon David has a nasty temper. Hopefully he’ll let fly at some point. But not just yet – he’s busy being the shrieking camp leader for now. Current odds – 5.9
Sheree Murphy – Sheree is in Emmerdale. Or she used to be in
Emmerdale. She’s married to a football. Although this is all we know
about Sheree, we feel it’s everything we actually need to know about
her. Plus she’s a scaredy-cat wuss-bag. Current odds – 6.2
Sid Owen – Sid Owen, Ricky from Eastenders, is the early favourite to win
I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Most people know who he is, and he
seems blokey and amiable, which always goes a long way with I’m A
Celebrity… viewers. We’d also like him to win, but only because
there’s a chance that he’d re-release his intensely
powerful and emotional 2000 mega-hit reworking of Good Thing Going. Current odds – 4.6
Anyone Else – Don’t forget that these sneaky I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here arseholes are going to change all kind of stuff around before the end of the series. If Elaine goes, they’ll be bound to replace her with another non-entity currently living it up in a swanky hotel. Plus there might be a super special secret mystery guest lined up. By which we mean Cannon And Ball, who’ll probably show their faces between Tuesday and Thursday. Maybe. Current odds – 9.8
We’ll be keeping an eye on the betting odds of I’m A Celebrity Get Me
Out Of Here throughout the series, but for the latest betting odds on
the show, head over to the UK TV Special Betting section of Betfair.com to see the odds change in real time. And bet! You’ll get free stuff if you do, look…
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[story by Stuart Heritage]
kathy says
I find your remarks about Jimmy offensive!
As a lifelong Os fan I have been lucky enough to see the Bros live in concert.
They make alot of ladies very happy.
I was gutted I could not get to Blackpool, so rude remarks keep to yourself please!
all the Brothers are complete and utter gentlemen, and not many bands can boast a 30 year fan following!!!!
I was very upset with your remarks!!!!
Brodie says
Carol Thatcher? What an obnoxious, pretentious, condescending cow! I supported her mother through thick and thin, but this spoilt brat’s attitude amply illustrates the danger of priviledged birth!!! Work nowt, worth nowt!
Mallory says
I agree with Kathy on this one. I LOVE the Osmonds. All of them!! And I especially don’t like what you said about Alan being fat, he has a life threatening disease that makes it very difficult and painful to walk. The Osmonds are GREAT people and have done more for the world than you will EVER do.
Shellii says
LOOL..Could You Be any more negative..
Jenny’s A stunning funny amazing woman,,Liz was amazing on CLI.. If she wasn’t why did she come second.
Anyway Love the programme and teh Amzing celebs.. Good to know u won’t be watching :D If You can’t say anything nice – Don’t say anything at all.. :D
Gerry says
Totally agree about the commemt about Alan Osmond – he has MS – which I wouldn’t wish even on any stupid, ignorant ‘journalist’ like you.