Maybe that’s a bit harsh. Let’s rephrase that – you have until the end of this post to fall in love with Rebel Wilson. After that, members of the general public are legally obligated to scream your stupidity at you as often as needed. Hey, I don’t make the rules.
She’s the Australian writer, actress and comedian, who you mistook for Matt Lucas in drag the first time you saw ‘Bridesmaids’. So what’s so special about her? It’s a good thing you asked, because here are a few very good reasons that you will be declaring her your new weird crush in a matter of minutes.
“Rebel” is her real name. Not just that, but her sisters are called Ryot, Annachi and Liberty. Anybody that says they aren’t immediately inspired to pop out a little sprog just to use one of those names is a liar.
Although maybe it’s for the best that she doesn’t spark a baby-naming trend, because those are some big shoes to fill, and your child will probably end up disappointing you when it doesn’t grow up to achieve a law degree from the University of New South Wales. Which is like Harvard, only with more marsupials. That’s right, not only can Rebel make you laugh, she can get you out of that parking ticket.
She laughs in the face of fatal disease. Whilst working in South Africa as a Rotary International Youth Ambassador for Australia, some brave mosquito decided to infect her with malaria. Did she take to her hospital bed weeping about how her life was over?
Did she write a entire book to whine about how much of a struggle it was (Ahem, Cheryl Cole)? You bet your ass she didn’t. After hallucinating that she was an actress winning an Oscar, she decided that following your degree is for pussies and decided to pursue a career in acting instead. If that’s not the most metal way to decide what to do with your life, then what is?
She managed to make Pitch Perfect a decent film. Imagine for one second what it would have been like without Fat Amy. It would have been Glee: The Movie but with more projectile vomit and a cameo from the guy who played Turk in Scrubs. Horrendous. Such is the power of Rebel Wilson that she managed to save it from the depths of Rom-Com hell into something that teenage girls will quote on Tumblr for at least another two years. Maybe more, if the planned sequel turns out well.
She is a distant relative of Walt Disney. When the time comes to wake him out of his cryogenically frozen state, you bet your ass he’ll want to give one of the Disneylands to his favourite relative. Imagine walking around Fantasyland to see Cinderella in a bright blue shell suit and knuckledusters.
Partying with Rebel Wilson would be one of the most goddamn entertaining things you could do in your life without involving Justin Bieber and a solid baseball bat. Still not convinced? Imagine passing out in someone’s yard and waking up to this…
Now look at yourself in the mirror and try to say that you are no more in love with Rebel Wilson than you were when you woke up this morning.
Hint: You can’t.