JK Rowling is – literally – a woman with more money than sense. If JK Rowling wanted to, she could buy you from your parents and use you as her cat's scratching post without even making a dent in her galactic bank balance.
But some people don't understand this. Some people think that JK Rowling can't even afford a single lousy piece of paper. So when JK Rowling made one of her pretend 'oh it's so hard being me' statements worrying about buying a notepad, she was deluged with paper from all kinds of backwards Harry Potter fans.
Every single living human being on the face of the Earth can't wait for the seventh Harry Potter book to come out. Some of them are looking forward to discovering exactly how Harry Potter dies at the end of the book, while everyone else is just thankful that this whole Harry Potter faff will be over and done with after it's published.
So keen is the planet to get Harry Potter 7 out of the way that – after JK Rowling made a vague reference on her website that she uses notepads instead of computers to write, and that Edinburgh is shit for buying notepads – all kinds of Harry Potter fans send her reams and reams of paper, possibly with 'HURY UP AND RITE DA HARY POTA BOOK CZ I LOVE HARY 4EVA!!1' scrawled on the bottom.
All this despite that fact that JK Rowling is so hugely wealthy that she could buy your school, with you and your friends in it, have it smashed into pulp and dried into paper quicker than you can take your socks off. And in a remarkable show of ungratefulness, JK Rowling has decided that she doesn't want any more of this manky fan paper. On her website, JK Rowling wrote:
"Some of you sent single sheets, others entire pads, one enterprising paper merchants sent a large stack of notebooks embossed boldly with J K Rowling, which I might not use in public, but which are very lovely all the same. Others took a different approach, telling me exactly where you can buy writing paper in Edinburgh. Anyway, I've now got enough paper to write several book sevens, so no excuse there."
Elsewhere on her website, JK Rowling took issue at anyone who dared to suggest that her recent bizarre tirade against skinny models was a tad hypocritical, since Harry Potter's fat guardians are constant figures of fun in Harry Potter books. What a load of codswallop, Rowling says, as she describes:
"The many characters in the Harry Potter books who are on the plumper side (who) demonstrate what a very diverse group of personalities they are… they include several of my most important, admirable and lovable characters… 'overweight' in no way equates to 'bad' in my fictional world."
Right… but just to clear things up, JK, could you confirm that 'ginger' equates to 'gormless' and 'twins' equates to 'creepy' in your fictional world?
[story by Stuart Heritage]