I Am Legend – the movie where slightly-too-loud to be completely sincere man of the people Will Smith plays the saviour of all mankind – is number one at the weekend box office.
That's not exactly a surprise, since Will Smith could film himself puking down his chest into his underwear and it'd still top the US weekend box office. But the weekend box office success of I Am Legend proves that Will Smith can carry a movie completely by himself now – something that will come as a relief to his next two movies, the provisionally-titled Will Smith Pukes Down His Chest Into His Underwear and Will Smith Stares Unblinking At A Cinema Audience In Close-Up For Three Hours While The Word 'Obey' Flashes Constantly Underneath.
I Am Legend was always going to be a gamble for Will Smith, because it's a movie that lives and dies with him alone. But its gigantic success at the US weekend box office is a clear sign that Will Smith is now one of the biggest movie stars in the world, and that not only can he save the world again and again but he can even beat bad reviews. Speaking of which, a member of the hecklerspray staff went to an early screening of I Am Legend last week, but since it was in the UK he was banned from posting his review until Christmas Eve. So you've got one whole week to wait to see if I Am Legend is good or a dull cartoony waste of your time, as if you needed telling. Here's this week's US weekend box office top five…
1 – I Am Legend (Sadly not featuring the subplot from the book of I Am Legend where Will Smith falls in love with an infected zombie, despite the clear sequel potential of I Am Legend 2: I Am Legend And So's My Gruesomely-Mutated Semi-Zombie Son) $76,535,000
2 – Alvin And The Chipmunks (Well, what do you know? Massive-budgeted end of the world action thrillers really are more popular than cash-in animated comedies about mostly forgotten, deliberately annoying squeaky rodents who ram handful after handful of their own shit into their mouths for fun) $45,000,000
3 – The Golden Compass (Well, what do you know? Cash-in animated comedies about
mostly forgotten, deliberately annoying squeaky rodents who ram handful
after handful of their own shit into their mouths for fun really are more popular than Narnia rip-offs about polar bears smashing each others' jaws off for fun) $9,025,000
4 – Enchanted (Well, what do you know? Narnia rip-offs about polar bears smashing each others' jaws off for fun really are more pop… oh, bollocks to this) $6,004,000
5 – No Country For Old Men (Getting a much-appreciated weekend box office leg-up from all the awards it won last week. So at least now the National Board Of Review has a tangible effect on its winners – a 27.1% gross drop-off from last week. Hooray for the National Board Of Review!) $3,000,000
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matthew says
Hello,
I am sorry to harp on the grammar of the article, but the first sentence really needs to be reworked. I understand the wit of calling Smith a “slightly-too-loud-to-be-sincere man of the people” (or different names with other variations of correctly used hyphens,) but the current form of the sentence confuses the reader and makes the sentence tedious.
Normally, I would let this type of thing slide, but it is the lead.
I swear I am not an ass,
Matt
Gilbert Wham says
“Will Smith as Hypno-Toad!” That, sirs, is a pitch. All you need is an appointment with a studio bigwig and enough cocaine to sound convincing and it’s in the bag.
gir says
I’m going to start closing my correspondence with hilariously inappropriate phrases.
“I swear I am not an ass,”
“Insincerely yours,”
“May Britney Spears’ vagina detach itself and stalk you with every intention of devouring you whole,”
“Thank you for the STD,”
gir says
Also I think this is the first time that anyone has conducted a thorough enough investigation to call individual sentences on hecklerspray tedious. Stories, yes; the whole website, yes; the lives of the editors, a thousand times yes.
But sentences? We are truly dealing with a focused mind.
Adam Gade says
Must be an English major, grammar teacher or something.