Christina Aguilera has apparently decided to stop living off vodka and empanadas, and learned how to finally use foundation much closer to her natural skin tone. Of course, this new found weight loss means it’s time to drop her pants again and get “Dirrty” on September’s Maxim cover.
For the last few years, when people commented on Christina Aguilera’s growing frame, Xtina refused to let it get to her. She was a proud curvy girl! She played up the Spanish heritage card and told anyone who would listen that she loved her body, and bigger was how she was meant to be. I mean, she kept unattractively stuffing her size 12 frame into a 2 and resembling a sausage, but that was her right! Funny how it isn’t until now, after dropping all that weight, that she suddenly loses her clothes to pose in sexy magazines.
This reminds me of the “Anti-Valentine’s Day” broads. You know who I mean. The single girls who march around yelling about how happy they are to be single on February 14th, and that being alone is AWESOME! They wouldn’t have it any other way, and in fact they pity you suckers who are ball and chained up. They don’t NEED a man!
…..But then you find them crying into a pint of Ben&Jerry’s with their mascara dripping down their face, watching “The Notebook”, yelling at Allie for being a dumb bitch and hurting the wonderful, handsome, perfect Noah, all while Facebook stalking their exes and wondering why they were with that ugly troll instead of them.
That’s how I feel about Christina’s “I am a big girl, hear me roar!” shtick. It was all bullshit. Girlfriend wasn’t finally “being herself” or anything nearly as noble. She got a little fat and was too damn lazy to do anything about it. So, instead she decided to make it seem it was all a choice that she knowingly made, and was trying to be some advocate for curviness. But I didn’t seen Curvy Christina on magazines half naked, showing off the goodies. Know what that says? That she wasn’t really all that thrilled.
Also within the Maxim interview, Christina starts talking about how she’s a “down to earth girl” and that “sexiness should be effortless.” Yes, this coming from the same chick who looks like the spawn of a Bratz doll and a clown most days. When you use foundation on your skin like you’re icing a cake, and have lips that look like you were punched in the face by the Kool-Aid pitcher, you are most definitely not an effortless beauty. But keep trying to seem relatable and real, Christina! It’s really working for you.
Listen, big girls are beautiful. Skinny girls are beautiful. Athletic, curvy, boyish, short hair, long hair, no hair, light skinned, dark skinned, etc ladies are ALL beautiful. But let’s call a spade a spade here. Christina Aguilera is a phony ass bullshit artist who tries way too hard. Then again, she does get to sit next to the extremely sexy Adam Levine every week for “The Voice”, so she must be doing something right…