Give Hugh Jackman a job and he’ll do it – hosting the Oscars, starring in guffy Nicole Kidman films that everyone hates, apparently being sexy.
But none of this can disguise the fact that Hugh Jackman is Wolverine, nothing but Wolverine and will remain Wolverine until the day he dies. That’s why he’s made a new film that’s only about that one character, and that’s why we’ve got the new Wolverine trailer for you here.
But if you can’t wait for X-Men Origins: Wolverine to be released, or you can’t be bothered to go and see it when it’s released, we’ve knocked out a brief synopsis of the movie based on the trailers. There may be spoilers. But, somehow, we think there probably won’t…
Wolverine starts life as an actor in a touring civil war reenactment troupe who is driven to despair by his inability to do anything other than stare off into the middle distance with a vaguely anguished look on his face. To cheer himself up, Wolverine goes to an unlicensed beauty spa and almost drowns. Rather than write to Watchdog to complain about this infringement on his consumer rights, Wolverine kills everyone, then blows something up, then rides a motorbike through an explosion, then blows something else up, then smashes through a wall, then a window and then he blows up a jeep, flies through the air and lands on a helicopter for some reason.
Why does Wolverine look so furious throughout his entire trailer? We’re not sure, but we think it has something to do with the fact that his best friend is Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas. We’d be constantly putting our life at risk if he was our friend, too.
It’s hard to tell if the Wolverine trailer makes the film look like an epic John Woo-style action ballet or an overblown load of tosh. But one thing’s for sure – we want X-Men Origins: Wolverine to be a success.
That’s because the sequel’s bound to be X-Men Origins: That Bloody Halle Berry Woman, and there just aren’t enough opportunities to fall asleep in a cinema these days, are there?
your mother says
You have never read a comic book you shouldn’t be reviewing this at all.
Go and read some……Maybe you will have a better understanding.
mikey says
You have never read a newspaper/book without pictures/website that didn’t involve lots of people with psuedonyms like “Elvira”.
Open your curtains, fella. There’s a whole world beyond your grotty, poster-covered bedroom walls.
Live, laugh, love (OK, maybe I’ve gone too far there…self-love doesn’t count!)………….
Or read the one where Superman dies again, and cry into your pot-noodle.
wankstain