At this time of year, you’ve probably gorged on stupid amounts of food and not spared a single thought for baby Jesus who Romans ended up nailing to a bit of wood. That’s right. Every year, you give gifts to celebrate a baby getting stapled to a cross. Or whatever the story says.
Of course, Christmas and New Year is clich? time for men everywhere as they see it as an ideal time to propose to their partners.
Doing something hilarious such as stuffing a ring in a cracker or inside a glass of champagne, the results can backfire with the expensive sparkler being thrown out with the rubbish or accidently swallowed. It appears that Playboy founder Hugh Hefner was guilty of said clich? and proposed to his girlfriend Crystal Harris. No doubt everyone has gone eeeewwwww like Garth from Wayne’s World and vomited in to a bucket.
It's a general assumption that old people reach a certain stage and either wake up with no genitals or are forced to visit a clinic where they're forcibly removed by a man wearing a stained white gown. After all, pensioners don't engage in sex do they? Go on imagine it now, those wrinkles bobbing up and down with grandmas teeth accidentally falling out.
Not a pleasant image is it? Scrub away that mental picture by thinking of two girls one cup [that’s the sweet but vaguely saucy video of two girls trying to get all their breasts into one boob-hammock of a bra isn’t it? – Ed.]
This isn't the first marriage for Hef, unless Crystal Harris changes her mind about seeing a wrinkly man thrust at her in exchange of a lifetime of riches. For Hefner, this is his third attempt at settling down and erm?starting a family. Or officially having the best eye candy down the bingo on a Sunday night.
At the age of three hundred and twenty four, Hugh Hefner is on a par with Bruce Forsyth for a person who is close towards moving on to heaven. That's unless God doesn't like boobs of course. However, unlike most pensioners Hefner is still full of cheeky charm and doesn't look like he's short of life. Unless he is some sort of mutant soul sucker who gives na?ve models an opportunity to appear in his magazine in exchange for a couple of years of youth, we don't know what his secret is. Magic beans perhaps?
we're sure that Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris told their immediate families about such wonderful news, but soon it was blurted out to vultures like us via the medium of Twitter. If people ever ask you the point of Twitter, you can tell them that it's a handy aid for finding out about pointless celebrity announcements. Hefner tweeted, twatted, twitted or whatever:
“When I gave Crystal the ring, she burst into tears. This is the happiest Christmas weekend in memory.”
As a pensioner, we assume that remembering what happened a month ago is an achievement. Come March, he?ll have announcement this engagement to a fourth, five and sixth victim. Sorry, partner.
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Phil says
“… by thinking of two girls one cup [that’s the sweet but vaguely saucy video of two girls trying to get all their breasts into one boob-hammock of a bra isn’t it? – Ed.]”
No. It’s considerably more excretory oriented than that. Think body functions.
dp says
Hugh Hefner is my idol! All you guys wish and dream and keep taking jealous knocks!
Cookie Monster says
The man is eighty-four years old. He couldn’t tweet a twat if his life depended on it as his wee twit is no longer capable of turgidity. That said, I’m glad that he found someone to help with his diaper rash, and bonus marks for her having the funny sounding moniker of Crystal Harris. I too, upon achieving such a lofty age, would marry someone sixty years my junior, but I’m afraid that that lovely muppet won’t be born until sometime in the 2030’s.