Mathew ‘Hold the T, Extra E’ Horne and James ‘HA HA HA HA HA!’ Corden are true pioneers in the field of experimental entertainment.
In only a few short years, they have broken boundaries that lesser scientific performers could only possibly consider dreaming about far, far in the distant future. Let us pause for a moment in our busy lives and consider their achievements. Their feature film, Lesbian Vampire Killers, still holds the world record of largest gaping hole between title-prompted expectation and viewing disappointment. And, of course, the Horne and Corden sketch show on BBC3 managed to create the hitherto only theoretical comedic vacuum; a place where even the most gag-stuffed idea can have every last trace of humour squeezed out of it to leave a small, calcified pebble of misery, rattling painfully around in an empty space between a documentary about racist dogs and Family Guy.
But they’re not resting on their laurels. They have now managed to completely discredit the entire discipline of statistical research.
This epoch-shattering news was broken on Chortle:
Horne and Corden are the best comedy duo ever ? better than Morecambe and Wise, Laurel and Hardy or The Two Ronnies… James Corden and Mat Horne topped a poll run by the online TV service seesaw.com, which attracted 3,000 responses.
That’s it. That’s the end. That’s the last survey that will ever be done. The idea that Horne and Corden – the most critically-panned comedy duo that ever walked a planetary body, the twosome whose best effort at a joke was to place anything between one and four quivering buttocks in the way of a camera and wait for the cretinous laughter – are the best comedy double act of all time is so ridiculous, it makes a mockery of all statistics ever done.
The concept of using a small sample to reflect the opinions and view of a much larger population is now obsolete. All numbers now mean nothing. Horne and Corden have actually broken maths.
It seems there is nothing this brave pair cannot do if they put their big old minds to it.
The scientific community was quick to react to this news. Steven Hawking has controversially claimed he “wasn’t that bothered”. “Who needs numbers,” he said, peeking round the gyrating thighs of his favourite Stringfellows dancer, “when you’ve got Krystalle?” The ghost of Archimedes was reported to be muttering something about preferring “that bit in Little Britain with bloke falling out of a wheelchair.” But current TV obsession and vocal celestial body fan Professor Brian Cox has declined to comment on the grounds of being far too handsome.
Of course, Mat and James themselves have been celebrating their epic breakthrough in own indomitable style. Horne has gone for a bit of a nap for the rest of the decade, poor mite. And Corden has stripped to the waist, impervious to the aeroplanes falling from the sky, deranged computers eating humans, rivers running red with the blood of the righteous, and all the other signs of the death-of-numbers apocalypse he has caused; he’s got his belly out, and he is laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing.
His belly apologises for the chaos it has wrought.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
hoohaahee says
James corden is an unfunny, disgusting lard arse.
I wish patrick stewart had headbutted him “federation style” during that argument.