Hollywood Records; THE Premier Label For Unashamed Whores

vanessaHollywood Records is a label imprint for the Walt Disney Company.

Therefore they have a truly horrible roster of ’stars’ like Hayden Panettiere and Vanessa Hudgens. Although I will pretty much listen to any tween piece of crap, some of this stuff is truly bone-chilling. The label pretty much makes its money solely on the premise that if teenagers like to see rubbish actors in movies, they will LOVE hearing them sing. Unfortunately for us, this appears to be true. Basically, being an artist on Hollywood records is like being a chef at McDonalds.

Prime examples after the jump…

Jesse McCartney – It’s Over

6,474,564 views

Jesse McCartney is the latest in a line of snivelling little girl singers, lisping his way through ballads about the kind of impossibly complex love and heartbreak only a 21-year-old whose voice hasn’t yet properly broken could ever hope to fathom. In this video he mopes around (as usual), enlisting the help of some deeply uninvested producers and one of Justin Timberlake’s set designers. The song sounds like something he found whilst digging though Babyface’s trash.

Hayden Panettiere - Wake Up Call

4,893,437 views

This is one of the most awful songs I have ever heard and I can honestly say I would rather be forced to watch someone murder and eat my family than have to listen to it again. Who the fuck wrote in a RAP!? I think the gist of the song is if your boyfriend stops paying attention to you you should have sex with someone else to remind that he loves you. If this doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry, that just means you’re not a cretin.

Jonas Brothers – Burnin’ Up

15,186,494 views

The Jonas Brothers halfheartedly pretend to be interested in women and some paid actresses halfheartedly return the favour. Confused man-children with bad hair.

Vanessa Hudgens – Sneakernight

35,933,696 views

This song is pretty catchy, but whilst watching the video all I could think was ‘Heh heh heh. I’ve seen your minge.’

Insane Clown Posse – Down With The Clown (no seriously.)

17,467 views

WOOO! RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE! ANARCHY!

Corbin Bleu – Deal With It

1,382,976 views


Things that are probably less painful than this video:
Vivisection sans anaesthetic
Childbirth
Having a 300 pound woman repeatedly stamp on your testicles
Licking the crotch of one of Paris Hilton’s thongs and then having to deal with whatever diseases you contract.

Miley Cyrus – 7 Things
92,930,397 views

One of the only Hollywood Records artists I have nothing bad to say about because this song is awesome and so is Miley Cyrus. At 16 she’s already had three ‘erotic pic’ phone leaks and enjoys dating older men and perceived racial slurs. Someone for the kids to look up to, truly.

This was a guest blog by Amy Green from Interpol Groupies Wear Black. She means it, man.

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Comments

  1. mst3kster says

    Oh yes, Miley is the greatest, but I can’t stand that Hannah Montana bitch! I wish she’s just die already!!

  2. JoeMomma says

    All this music contributes to the dumbing down of society and promotes celebrity culture. Essentially these people are nobodies that are manufactured by the entertainment machine.

    I’ve mentioned this before, these people are essentially like Party Possy episode of the Simpsons when Bart et all are made into a band by the army. At the end the ‘Studio Magic’ gets turned off and they all sound out of tune.

    My rants on MJ are relvant here. These people do no write their own songs or play an insturment, they are just musical actors.

    What boggles my mind is how people can get sucked into it. Even though it sounds like tin-foil-hat consipracy theory, I really think that there is some brainwashing and subliminal messages being broadcast with these songs and videos.

  3. Wench. says

    Hayden Paniwhatever has a recording contract?

    Kill The Cheerleader, Save The Music.

    Christ.

  4. jb says

    this stuff is for the 5-15 crowd, they want to be sucked in, influenced, watch where the crowd is going. to decide if they want to follow this crowd to the next crowd, go their own way or just stand on the street corner and wait for the next crowd to go by is what is called young and impressionable. this is where alot (tens of BILLIONS) of disposable income lies, disney has been living off it for decades.

  5. Seth says

    ICP? Seriously? One of these things is not like the others. One of these things doesn’t belong… anywhere. The fact that ICP is on this label proves that it is the lowest level of musical hell.

  6. SHARON says

    O.M.G,
    I AM SO JEALOUS OF VANESSA’S EVERYTHING, OR IS IT THAT I’M IN LOVE WITH HER?
    I THINK IT’S BOTH!
    YEP, AND I’M FEMALE, BUT CAN’T HELP IT!
    OH WELL WHO CARES WHAT YA’LL THINK, I THINK SHE’S SO BLEEPIN HOT, AND WHEN I SEE HER, LOOK @ HER AND/OR WATCH HER.
    SHE JUST MAKES ME WANT her & WANT TO BE HER, WITH HER, FOR HER! ALL ABOUT HER!
    I LUST AND LOVE YOU VANESSA!

  7. Ironlung says

    at the risk of standing up for these disgusting rectum-bastards, i would rather see some tight young girl sing a song that the professional yet fat, old, ugly, and bald song-writer wrote. some people know how to put a song together. these same people are often borne from ugly and tone-deaf tree.

    and, im sorry, but i see enough ugly people in the street. i dont want them on my tv.

  8. bolly says

    listen to bill hicks in oxfprd in 99, i think, look him up on you tube…he talks about suckers of satans cock… whick are what these puppets are, look it up really, you will laugh your ass off and get what i mean, if its not already obvious.