For some odd reason, Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian yesterday. And by “odd reason” I really mean magazine covers and free shit from brown nosed clothing designers. The King and Queen of Stunt Relationships are taking their game to the kind of level that Stacy Keibler could only dream about George Clooney agreeing to.
In true Kimye fashion, the proposal was over the top, obnoxious, and not at all a private moment. There will probably now be an entire marathon about these assholes on the E! Network leading up to a televised wedding featuring leather tuxedos, invitations written in all caps, and life sized cutouts of Yeezus himself that all guests will have to bow to before entering.
Kanye went super subtle and rented out the AT&T Park in San Francisco to pop the question, which makes less than no sense because the closest thing Kim does to being athletic is getting on all fours, and the only part about baseball West probably cares about is the tightness of the player’s pants. But then again, it was a place big enough to fit both their egos in one spot, so I guess it was a good idea. Add in an orchestra to play terrible faux Hipster music, a shit ton of people including Kim’s whole media loving family and television cameramen, and a very obnoxious message on the JumboTron, and it was just total Kimye.
Bitch of course said yes, cause while Kim may be stupid, she isn’t dumb. The 15 carat rock now on her finger didn’t hurt West’s chances of a yes either. Shit for a 15 carat ring, I’d suck it the fuck up and deal with ALL CAPS KANYE for life (or 72 days..)
If this wedding actually happens, which I’m not holding my breath for because I enjoy being alive, it will be Kim’s 3rd and Kanye’s 1st. Kim’s asshole getting golden showered has been seen by millions of people, she had one of the most ridiculous short ass marriages in celebrity history, and it’s pretty well known that more than a fair share of dudes have used Kim’s body as their bodily fluid dumping ground, so I don’t really know what Kanye is trying to do here. He, along with America, have already milked the cow. Hard. So who is West kidding by trying to buy it now?
If people thought Kim’s last E! sponsored wedding was a circus, wait until Yeezus gets his hands on some white chiffon and floral centerpieces. You know he is going to make his tuxedo out of leather, because he is fashion forward like that. He will probably even have an actual glass ceiling at his venue that he will symbolically break through while images of himself are displayed everywhere. Kim won’t go down without a fight, so she’ll make sure she has on double the Spanx with double the right hand photogs so she can instantly Instagram every little moment.
Ryan Seacrest is sitting in his house right now just jizzing himself with excitement as he mentally tallies up his future earnings from both this insane event, and the inevitable divorce.