Helen Flanagan’s Boobs Make Up For Her Illiteracy

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Helen Flanagan

Oh, Helen Flanagan. Never has someone managed to support the ‘hot girls are incredibly dumb’ hypothesis to such a degree. It’s an enormous shame, because as attractive as she is, she is equally stupid.

It’s not just that she manages to disperse her nuggets of wisdom direct to the general populace via her Twitter account, but she also manages to embroil herself in something way over her head at least once a month. In December, it was the unfortunate incident with the gun photo.

Flanagan must’ve thought that she was being edgy and cool when she tweeted a photo of herself holding a gun to her head in a lad’s mag photoshoot. And you know, ordinarily that’d have been fine. Attractive even. Except that it happened days after the Newtown shooting where actual small children were actually gunned down by actual bullets.

helen flanagan gun photo

The resulting shitstorm was not good, to say the least. Flanagan had to appear on TV shows up and down the country and basically play the “I’m incredibly dumb card.” In fact, she used pretty much those words, saying it was “the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.”

I absolutely hated myself for it. I am incredibly sorry. I just could not be more sorry… my heart bleeds for the families. None of my friends are the public eye. I sometimes forget that I am in the public eye… I have to be more careful as a role model.

There’s an argument to be made that using the term “my heart bleeds” is also crass, but we’ll overlook that.

Helen Flanagan

Fear not, though! Flanagan is a new woman in 2013, and is promising to contribute more to the UK economy than just her enormous boobs. She’s going to university.

I want to get a degree. I never did A-levels the first time around so I’m gonna do my A-levels this year.I’m going to do History, Religious Studies and Philosophy.

Maybe this is just the cynic in me, but it seems like it’s the ideal way to segue Flanagan into some sexy Hilter/nun photoshoots later in the year.

Helen Flanagan

Oh wait – I definitely do think this is why they’re doing this. Because later in the same interview about going to university, Flanagan blames something quite unusual for why she dropped out of academia at the age of 16, having initially been a straight-A student:

I was a perfect A student and then I turned 16 and became a bit of a rebel. I think it was just hormones.

PHWOAR etc.

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