Controversy just follows some people around – take Heidi Fleiss; all she did was organise a string of prostitutes to have sex with a string of high-profile Hollywood A-listers and all of a sudden people seem to think she's some sort of tramp.
But now Heidi Fleiss has struck upon her most outlandish idea yet. Get this – Heidi Fleiss is all set to open a laundromat. Is Heidi Fleiss opening a sex laundromat, where people pay to have sex with girls inside huge rotating tubs full of soapy water? No. Is Heidi Fleiss opening a special laundromat where people can wash their sex-soiled garments shame-free? No. Heidi Fleiss is opening a coin-operated laundromat where normal people can wash their everyday clothes in a titillation-free environment. Because one of her parrots died. How could you not want to continue reading a story as scintillating as this?
You know, we're not sure that Heidi Fleiss actually exists. There's a good chance that she's just a construct of some bored news editor's mind, who can be rolled out each and every time that there's a quiet news day with a brand new, slightly outlandish, story. Think about it – Heidi Fleiss is a Hollywood madam who's been to prison, had high-profile celebrities on her books and has been domestically abused by Tom Sizemore. With a history like that, people could invent any old crap about her and we'd have no choice to believe it.
So when Heidi Fleiss announced her stud farm – a brothel in Nevada with an exclusively female-only clientele – nobody batted an eyelid, and even less so when Fleiss hired Mike Tyson as a manwhore. And, since Mike Tyson is on record as saying "I wish one of you guys had children so I could kick the in the fucking head," there's just about nothing that could surprise us about Heidi Fleiss any more.
Well, OK – there is one thing that could surprise us about Heidi Fleiss. It'd surprise us if Heidi Fleiss opened a legitimate coin-operated laundromat that didn't have anything to do with sex apart from a vaguely perverted name just because a parrot died. What's that? She has? Well we'll be blowed. ABC reports:
Dirty Laundry is a 24-hour, coin-operated laundry 13 washers and 14 dryers the one-time leader of a high-priced ring of call girls to the stars is opening at a shopping center in Pahrump, west of Las Vegas. Fleiss, who has become an avid collector of parrots and macaws since moving to Pahrump, said she decided to open the laundromat after the death of one of her pets, a macaw named Dalton. "I had to force myself to do something," she told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. "Nothing in my 41 years nothing ever affected me like this."
We're not the only ones having trouble linking a dead parrot to the opening of a laundromat, are we? There isn't some really obvious connection that's gone over our heads, is there? Be sure to tell us if we're being thick. Anyway, one possibility is that the Dirty Laundry laundromat is being opened to act as a sweetener for officials in Nevada who are yet to approve plans for Heidi's stud farm. Then again, another possibility is that Fleiss is using the laundromat to round up a small army of Dot Cotton lookalikes ahead of her next planned venture – a brothel where all the prostitutes are frail little 80-year-old chainsmokers. And about bloody time, too.
Read more: