It’s that time of the year again when music lovers gather in a field to celebrate the thing they love, live music.
There are all sorts of festivals to cater for all sorts of musical tastes in all four corners of the world. The main ones kick off at this time of year and hecklerspray is here to tell you all you need to know about each festival, who the essential people are to see and which act to avoid so you can queue up for the overflowing shit-filled portaloos.
We begin with the first big festival-type affair of the year, this weekend’s Radio 1’s Big Weekend down in Kent. This particular bash doesn’t have a fixed location, but over the years it has proved to be a popular event for all who can get a ticket.
Now listening to Radio 1 may not be to everyone’s taste. Listening to Chris Moyles‘ self-indulgent rants and enduring the apparent queen of radio Jo Whiley may slightly grate on some people. However, Radio 1 is part of the BBC and in return for the Beeb wasting license fee money on stupid flashy graphics for the news, they do occasionally give the public something back. It comes in the form of free music for gig goers.
What makes the festival such a success is that it gives people the chance to see high-flying bands of the moment who normally wouldn’t get the chance. In previous years, Radio 1 has been to Sunderland, Preston and now it’s the turn of Maidstone.
Instead of the people of these towns and cities having to travel for live music, it comes to them. However, the popularity of this concept always knackers things up. 500,000 applied for tickets this year. We don’t think that 500,000 live in Maidstone, though. More than likely people have applied from all over the UK in the hope they are selected in order to make a quick buck on ebay.
As per usual, this festival doesn’t take too many daring risks on who is playing. Most of the acts currently have albums out or are playlisted on the station. No chance of any Ethiopian jazz on the bill. But before we get too cynical, there is a new stage this year showcasing unsigned talent from the local area. So for anyone daring, there could be something new and exciting for them.
Held over two days, the free gig does offer a spectacular line up, and if have got your hand on a ticket, we have selected some of the bands to see and those to miss.
Saturday – Go go go!
Madonna – Watching a pensioner crawl and roll around on stage whilst trying to remain sexy and dignified is a test that will make either vomit or laugh endlessly. Though the vomiting could be brought on by the ropey £5 uncooked burgers you bought earlier in the day.
The Ting Tings – Should be interesting to see how they perform live. Their current single is as good as the first and a big crowd should be there to see how they tackle a live outing
Saturday – Avoid like the plague
Paramore – Sounds just like Avril Lavigne when she was in her grungy and pissed off with the world period. But this time it’s labelled as a band’s sound and not one of a solo artist.
The Hoosiers – You’re not kooky, new or cutting edge. Instead you look like wankers as you prance around like twats.
Sunday – Go go go!
Goldfrapp – Cooler then an ice lolly, Alison Goldfrapp pioneers a cool blend of ambiance and electronica. The electronic sound that granny Madonna rips off.
Gallows – They will tear you a new arse hole. No prisoners are taken.
Sunday – Avoid like the plague
Pendulem live/DJ set – For fuck’s sake, you’re already doing a live set on the same day with your drum and bass which is wooden and bland. So why bother doing a rubbish DJ set when someone else could take the slots? Give us London Elektricity instead!
Basshunter – To recreate the sound of Basshunter, smash your head off a wall. Or we’ll do it for you if we find out you have a copy of their kebab shop anthem.
Mithaearon says
I was going to go being that its local to me, but its my Birthday on Monday and I am having a piss up instead which lets face it is a better thing to do than watch all that shit they have there.
Ironlung says
They don’t know what they are letting themselves in for. The Maidstone pikeys will be all over that shit.
Mike says
take ove boi, maidstone pikeys
wanna smack mush