If you tried to think of a celebrity as equally unappealing as shrieking harridan Heather Mills for her to have a public dispute with you couldn't go far wrong with odious potato-faced toad Piers Morgan.
And you'd be right, because that is what's happened in a Press Complaints Commission investigation completed yesterday.
The unintentionally hilarious Mills ? whose face increasingly resembles a crude caricature drawn by a ?special? child ? has objected to an article written by Morgan in which he describes his ?eternal shame? at having been the cretin to introduce her to Paul McCartney in the first place. She says this isn't true ? not the ?shame? thing, but the ?introduction? thing, in the mistaken belief that anyone gives a toss.
Adding fuel to the self-righteous fire that constantly burns inside her head, Morgan went on to compare the song-writing ability of McCartney with Mills? own literary output, which he unfavourably described as “nothing but bleating letters of complaint to newspapers and divorce lawyers”.
Mills? genius response? She told the commission that actually, she'd written some books as well, so it's not all ?bleating letters? is it? That was genuinely her big comeback.
When probed by the Commission as to exactly how many of these books she had written, Mills is reported as having replied ?at least three?.
At. Least. Three.
This is the point we like to imagine the Commission staring at her without blinking for two solid minutes whilst trying to work out if she was taking the piss before telling the screeching peg-leg to bugger off.
At time of writing the Press Complaints Commission has entirely rejected her complaint, although does concede that she had ?written a number of books?, according to The Independent.
Any sympathy generated for Piers Morgan immediately evaporated when everyone remembered that, well, he's Piers Morgan isn't he?
A number of snarky celebrity websites have expressed their concern that Mills may do them out of a job if she continues to act like such a colossal tool.
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Eugene says
I had completely forgotten about Heather Mills.
And after reading this article, I remember why. I hope I’ll be able to forget about her again soon.