Harry Potter Stabs Weekend Box Office In The Eye

Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix, the Harry Potter film that the critics are calling 'the same as the other Harry Potter films except Harry Potter's hair is shorter and you don't feel as bad for finding Hermione attractive' has cleaned up.

This week's weekend box office is all about Harry Potter And The Order of The Phoenix, which has taken over $77 million. Sounds a lot, but Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix has taken less over its first three-day weekend than Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire. And Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban. And Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone. And Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets. In fact, were it not for the poor showing at the US weekend box office of illegal Bulgarian Harry Potter bootleg Harry Potter And Donkey That Does The Nasty With A Nun, the opening weekend of Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix would have been a complete disaster.

Harry Potter And The Order of The Phoenix is the number one movie at the US weekend box office. Although derided by critics as an over-long, over-bleak story about nothing, Harry Potter And The Order of The Phoenix proved everyone wrong this week by taking $12 million in a minute. It's thought that Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix won over audiences for its blockbuster climax, where Harry Potter temporarily beats Lord Voldemort by thinking about his lovely friends while rolling around in some sand making all kinds of constipated noises. Here's the US weekend box office top five…

1 - Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix (Starring Amy Winehouse as Helena Bonham Carter) $77,410,000

2 - Transformers (Sadly Transformers could only manage one week on top of the weekend box office, which means that the world obviously loves Shia Labeouf more when he's locked up in a house than when he's allowed outside to talk to people. Bear that in mind, Indiana Jones 4) $36,000,000

3 - Ratatouille (Now that Pixar has successfully conquered the 'filthy rat chef' movie market, let's all look forward to its next movie - a cheery, family-friendly movie about the hilarious adventures of an infected ovarian cyst) $18,019,000

4 - Live Free Or Die Hard (The movie that's prompting cries of "Wait a minute, this is just a 24 rip-off." And rightly so, because it was always going to either rip off 24 or Lost, and the day we see John McClane get beaten up by an invisible man in a chair is the day we give up going to the cinema) $10,875,000

5 - Licence To Wed (This is still in the weekend box office top five and a film where Elisha Cuthbert has to drink a milkshake made out of mashed-up eyeballs isn't? Hardly seems fair, really) $7,440,000

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Weekend Box Office - Box Office Mojo