There was a distinct dampness in the air around the world last night. Meteorologists struggled to explain the phenomenon which seemed to emanate from the Hollywood hills. However, when it was officially announced that Hollywood heart-throb and all round photogenic guy George Clooney and his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis had parted ways the meteorologists were allowed to go home as the explanation was suddenly self-explanatory.
The actor, who played Danny Ocean in the surprisingly good remake of Ocean’s 11 (and its subsequent awful successors), and the Italian actress who began dating two years ago, issued a joint statement declaring that they were “not together any more” which will no doubt lead to a surge in the number of missing women the world over as they run away to stalk the chiselled star.
Something that we all have to remember is that George might need some time to get over his split with his girlfriend. We don’t want to see you all running out and getting divorces because something better’s finally come along. There’s no guarantee that George would even touch you, let alone give you one. Let’s bear that in mind before you get all nutty.
Of course, you don’t really care about that, do you? You don’t even care about our vaguely humourous if slightly sweeping generalisation that all women want to sleep with George Clooney, do you? You just clicked on this story to see a picture of George Clooney, didn’t you? Fine.
Is that better? Would you like to read an extract from the statement now? Can you even focus on what we’ve written??The former couple added:
“It’s very difficult and very personal and we hope everyone can respect our privacy.”
Shortly after meeting, the couple were photographed riding a motorbike near Lake Como. That’s not important, we just thought that the inclusion of some attractive scenery might take your mind off his chiselled features but you’re just imagining lying by the side of a picturesque lake with him aren’t you? Christ.
He has a villa on the lake. Probably with a view of the glittering blue water. Your mind’s gone into something from a Mills & Boon novel now, hasn’t it?
We give up. There’s no point in trying to get you lot to pay attention if you’re just going to daydream.
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dog wover says
LET THE MOISTENING BEGIN!!!!!!