Guitarists are all idiots. Every single one of them. They’re the ones who think they’re the heart of a band, resentful that the singer gets all the sex, the bassist gets all the cool fans and envious of the drummer because… okay, they’re not jealous of drummers at all.
Of course, as writers are prone to making pointless lists, Rolling Stone magazine have decided that the world needs another Greatest Guitarists Ever list.
As ever, there isn’t one name in the top 10 that will surprise you because these lists are always gleaned from the same old axe-wielding losers. Naturally, we’ll be proffering people who are far more worthy.
With insulting predictability, Jimi Hendrix has been proclaimed the ?Greatest Guitarist of All Time? by a panel of clearly catholic musicians put together by Rolling Stone Magazine. That’d be Jimi Hendrix who was only really very good when he reigned it in and made 2 minute pop songs, as opposed to all those dreary, dreary jams.
One rock bore, Tom Morello from Rage Against The Machine, says in Friday’s issue:
?His playing was effortless. There's not one minute of his recorded career that feels like he's working hard at it ? it feels like it's all flowing through him.?
The rest of the Top 5 is made up of the usual clowns: Eric Clapton (2), Jimmy Page (3), Keith Richards (4) and Jeff Beck (5).
Elsewhere, B.B. King features (6), alongside Chuck Berry (7), Eddie Van Halen (8),? Duane Allman (9) and Pete Townshend (10).
Naturally, there was absolutely no space for anything other than the usual rock pedlars in the Top 10. What about those great country pedal steel players? How about jazz? Could you argue against Django Reinhardt’s inclusion, especially given that he could play all of the chosen Top 10 off any stage AND, crucially, do it with a hand that only had two working figures!
Of course, jazz if filled with astonishing guitarists and Django may be something of an obvious choice… but seriously, unless someone shows us a guitarist who can play that great with one finger, we’re not budging. Away from jazz, there’s a whole load of brain-meltingly good folkies too.
John Renbourn, of Pentangle fame, was a supreme show-off, but more crucially, able to paint entire pictures with six strings where Hendrix et al simply noodled down their shafts and grunted over 12 bars. While there’s no denying the tweeness of this next video, likewise, you can knock it for craftsmanship.
It’s worth pointing out that skill isn’t the only factor that should be looked at. Think of all the hugely influential and brilliant noise guitarists out there! Ron Asheton of The Stooges couldn’t play for shit, but was awesome at, to paraphrase Iggy Pop, tellin’ ’em how we all felt.
Kurt Cobain (who is probably on the Rolling Stone list somewhere) was a fine exponent of noise (go listen to Endless Nameless) as was Kevin Shields from My Bloody Valentine. He could make a guitar sound like anything he wanted – most of the time, it seemed like his whole objective was to make his guitar sound like anything but a guitar. That, as the next clip will testify, he simply wanted to make it suffer and throw-up.
And how about those who resided in the funk? Chic’s Nile Rodger’s is one of the best innovators who ever lived, pipped perhaps by Jimmy Nolen who sat in with James Brown’s band (when they were at their finest). Nolen developed the “chicken scratch” guitar sound which influenced the whole of soul music and, of course, through sampling, the whole of hip hop.
Earth Wind and Fire, George Clinton and a whole load more took note of Nolen in cuts like ‘Papas Got a Brand New Bag’, ‘I Got You (I Feel Good)’, ‘It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World’, ‘Cold Sweat’, ‘Funky Drummer’, ‘The Boss and… need we go on?
Alas, the problem with Best Guitarists Ever lists is that they focus way too heavily on rock, rock ‘n’ roll and metal. And that’s boring.
Next week, tune in as we complain about magazines that rely too heavily on lists made up entirely of things about The Beatles.
Cookie Monster says
To further the point:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7yRuqa81zU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAiv8VVoyEM
Brandt Hardin says
Jimi invented Metal and everything Rock knows about the guitar after 1970 came from his psychedelic twisting of what the instrument could do. I paid homage to Hendrix with a portrait called Purple Haze on the anniversary of his passing recently. You can see it at http://dregstudiosart.blogspot.com/2011/09/purple-haze-jimi-hendrix.html and tell me how the voodoo child
Catherine O'Gden says
Where is Ry Cooder on this so-called list? Not in the top 10 … so who cares?