The Grand Theft Auto franchise is one of the most wildly successful things to ever crash land onto our pop-culture radar. Basically, the release of GTA3 was the moment that Hollywood realised it was about to have its thunder stolen by video games.
Flicking through radio stations while murdering completely innocent civilians for no reason at all and razzing cars ’til they blew up was the most fun you could have with your clothes on, provided you’re the kind of loser who actually wears clothes while gaming.
And the series continued to grow apace, with Vice City giving everyone a love for dodgy ’80s records again, as well as allowing us all to spot potential psychopaths in our circle of friends as they told you in great detail about the ways in which they murdered prostitutes for giggles. And now, Grand Theft Auto V (or GTA5 if you prefer) is imminent and there’s a trailer being dangled before us.
Rockstar have a holding page for GTA5 (which you can view here if you’re thoroughly bored) which promises a trailer of the game for 11/2/11.
That’s exciting isn’t it?
Of course, it’ll be the usual mindless violence-fest, complete with wanted levels, cartoonish stereotyping and licensed radio stations.
However, when games get this big, programmers and producers like to tinker with the format (look at the way EA mucked around with the tackling system on FIFA12).
So what would we like to see?
Less realism
Okay. Grand Theft Auto IV was a great game and all, but really, compared to older games, it was a much slower pace. There was more life admin that got in the way of the really fun stuff. And of course, the really fun stuff is shooting and driving cars incredibly quickly. Taking girls for dates in bars and learning how to play darts is all well and good, but really, that time often ends up with a mindless rampage thanks to being frustrated at the slow progression through the game.
Less giving lifts to people
Seriously. It’s fair enough that your first challenge should be giving some berk a ride, just so you can get used to the driving controls… but seriously… no more giving lifts to people. There’s no fun in having a car in GTA if you have to carefully plod your way to a checkpoint. The whole point of driving in GTA is to completely obliterate your car, okay?
Less talking
We get it. You want to recreate the cinematic experience and get taken seriously by adults. DON’T. The reason that video games are better than movies is that they’re interactive. If there’s going to be some kind of Heavy Rain interactivity or decision making in the chat, fine. Anything else is just denying us the chance to indulge ourselves in mindless fun.
Less World
Sandbox games are undeniably impressive. These giganto world never fail to wow… however, sometimes, they’re so big that it’s boring. Look at the hugely overrated Red Dead Redemption. Instead of getting your kicks and blowing people’s heads off, most of the time spent was commuting. Commuting is boring. There was also a lot of pointless admin in that game, picking flowers for old men and filling out stupid forms in police stations. Sod that. Gaming isn’t supposed to be ‘zen’. It’s supposed to be visceral and engrossing. There’s a lot to be said for the dumb-glee of a linear game. Of course, if you turned GTA into a sideways scroller, it wouldn’t be half as much fun, but there’s a lot to be said for the instant gratification of a game that takes you from Point A to Point B.
Play As Yourself
Really, it’s about time that you were able to put yourself into these games. FIFA and WWE games allow you to create yourself, so imagine how funny it would be to watch you, pathetic ol’ you, running around with an Uzi, shooting old women in the knees while Triads try and stab you a new anus!
What do you twerps think?
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it
Alias says
Less world is rediculous, as is less realism.
However customablity needs to be improved, did anyone notice that you could not buy a short sleeve shirt in the last one?
So;
Better clothes, more stores, more possibilties for better crimes Ie armed robbery.
Oh and planes
Long live GTA
Arthur ASCii says
I couldn’t agree more; it totally ruined the whole experience. As I ran along, raping and pillaging, torching every car and executing every last living being in San Andreas, I couldn’t help but to look wistfully at my character’s covered arms, and a piece of me died inside every time I thought about the world of possibility that had been taken away from me by the single biggest crime in the whole game.
Rock Star, if you’re listening, please, for the love of God, let us buy short sleeved shirts this time.
B P Perry says
I’d set it in the 1970s and have the goal be to kill every single person involved in the film ‘Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band’.
Imagine the monstrous things you could do to Peter Frampton over and over and over again.
Bryan says
Preach it!