Nothing makes us happier than when a woman from a TV show we never watch announces that she’s got a bun in the oven.
So congratulations to Kelly Rutherford, who we’re told is a) a star of Gossip Girl and b) pregnant. We’re not experts on Gossip Girl or pregnancy, but we hear one involves backache, uncontrollable mood swings, a slack bladder, nausea and rabid constipation. The other one is pregnancy.
This will be Kelly Rutherford’s second child, following the birth of her… really, are you still actually reading this? Are people genuinely interested in Kelly Rutherfords’s pregnancy? Weirdos.
There’s a certain step-by-step guide that older American TV actresses need to follow when they get pregnant, because pregnancy at an advance age is fraught with danger. It’s essentially the guide laid out by Marcia Cross from Desperate Housewives, so in the next few months we’re expecting to see 40-year-old Kelly Rutherford from Gossip Girl demand that all her scenes are filmed in her own bed, partly as a safety precaution and partly because she’s embarrassed that the naked photos she took of herself have been leaked onto the internet.
Oh, and also Kelly Rutherford needs to also give her baby a name so stupid that’ll ensure it gets bullied at school, passed over for jobs in adulthood and dies alone and bitter at a tragically young age, but that’s de rigeur for all celebrities anyway, not just middle-aged women off the telly who’ve got themselves knocked up.
But, yes, Kelly Rutherford from Gossip Girl is pregnant. You know, Kelly Rutherford. She plays the mother in Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl, you know. It’s a bit like The OC, except not as many people care about it because we’re all that much older now. Anyway, if you don’t recognise Kelly Rutherford from Gossip Girl, then maybe you’ll recognise her for her role in E-Ring. No? Her role in Threat Matrix? No? Her role in Backflash 2: Angels Don’t Sleep Here? No? Her role in Melrose Place? Anyone?
Oh, anyway, look, someone called Kelly Rutherford is pregnant, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Philly Burbs reports:
Kelly Rutherford is expecting her second child! A rep for the 40-year-old Gossip Girl star says she has a June due date. Kelly also tells people that the Gossip Girl set is very kid friendly so she won't have to worry what to do with the newborn when she is filming.??We have such a nice set because people bring their kids and their dogs. It looks like we're running a doggy daycare in the makeup room. It's really something.?
Regardless of the fact that we don’t really know who she is, we wish Kelly Rutherford all the best for her pregnancy. As she no doubt knows herself, a baby is a like a little unwritten book, and nobody can ever be certain what its life will hold. Maybe it’ll discover the cure for cancer. Maybe it’ll just be content to stay at home and raise a family of its own. Or maybe it’ll become as famous as its mother.
If that last one’s the case, you shouldn’t really bother learning its name, by the way.