Gordon Ramsay has a fascinating face. Even though he’s had botox injections to smooth it out, he still resembles a discarded scrotum from the Mount Rushmore project (he would have been Abe Lincoln’s balls for the record).
Not only does he look like a granite teste, but he’s also more irritating than a Jonas Brothers gig.
And so, take great joy in the knowledge that, while in Costa Rica, someone tried to shoot Gordon Ramsay’s face off.
So why was Gordon Ramsay in Costa Rica? Was he there to shout at small cafe owners until they actually placed their heads in their own ovens for a mass-suicide? Nope. He was trying to uncover the illicit trade in shark fins as part of Channel 4?s Big Fish Fight series.
Of course, shark fins are something that figure highly in all of our daily lives aren’t they? Only this morning, hecklerspray had shark fin flakes with Frosties and a shot of blended shark fin with our shark tears and milk combo.
Ramsay said:
?It is a multibillion dollar industry, completely unregulated. Uh? (YES CHEF!) We traced some of the biggest culprits to Costa Rica. Big boy. Uh? (YES CHEF) The day before we got there, a Taiwanese crew landed a haul of hammerhead sharks – uh? (YES CHEF) ? police searched the boat and found bails of cocaine. *jigs up and down like he needs a piss*
?These gangs operate from places that are like forts, with barbed-wire perimeters and gun towers. At one, I managed to shake off the people who were keeping us away, ran up some stairs to a rooftop and looked down to see thousands and thousands of fins, drying on rooftops as far as the eye could see.”
Don’t care. Don’t even slightly care. When are you nearly getting shot?
?When I got back downstairs they tipped a barrel of petrol over me. Then these cars with blacked out windows suddenly appeared from nowhere, trying to block us in. We dived into the car and peeled off.?
They tipped petrol over you? Did they set it on fire?
?In a quiet moment I dived from the boat to swim with marlin. I swam under the keel and saw this sack tied to it. I opened it and it was full of shark fins. The minute I threw this bag on deck, everyone started screaming and shouting.
?Back at the wharf, there were people pointing rifles at us to stop us filming. A van pulled up and these seedy characters made us stand against the wall. The police came and advised us to leave the country. They said ?if you set one foot in there, they?ll shoot you?.?
The crushing reality of this, is that this story is only going to make Ramsay feel more bloody worthy, making him reach critical mass of ego. We can only hope that, during 2011, he actually explodes during one of those awful live cookathons that he used to do.
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sw says
actually, he definitely hasn’t had botox. im pretty sure he wouldnt have wrinkles if that was the case. And he’s a very accomplished man, i don’t understand why you’re being such a lowly douche for no reason. Whatever, who gives a crap about some nobody. This article is shit.