Those Royals, eh?
They're a good-hearted bunch. Take the Queen Mother, for instance. She was a friend to everyone. Apart from a dentist, obviously.
But that doesn't matter. Because, right, even a 'special' four-year-old would be able to tell you that Old Liz pales into insignificance when compared with Official Daily Mail Bestest Lady Ever Princess Diana. And that what the world needs more than anything is a chance to remember her.
Oh – apart from those two months in 1997 when every Middle England dullard started waving their flags and babbling utter shite about "the queen of hearts." No – another chance.
Something like a nice big pop concert.
Well… the wait is over. Wembley Stadium has been announced as the likeliest venue for this charity-aimed showbiz shebang, and 'superstar' Elton John is pretty much a shoe-in for the first volunteer to smear his fat grubby face all over the TV cameras show much he cares for the poor and needy.
Other performers rumoured to be interested are Beyonce, George Michael and Kylie Minogue. All of this is yet to be confirmed, however …
…which makes it that extra bit special that hecklerspray has managed to get hold of top-secret plans for the upcoming event. So – without further ado – here's what we know so far about the 10th Anniversary Princess Diana Tribute Concert:
– Official 'I Was More Upset Than You' T-Shirts available in the foyer
– Concert to coincide with scrapping of all major world religions, to be replaced with 'Dianism'
– Every starving child on the planet to record special 'thank you' video message
– Minigun-armed Chris De Burgh to deal with any dissenters, possibly while laughing manically
– Sun journalists to gather at front and weep good honest British tears
– Assorted Royalists in audience to mark the special occasion by learning to read
– Prince William to perform rendition of The Primitives' Crash, accompanied by moving photo montage of that fateful Paris evening
– Diana enthusiasts required by law to arrive in Landrover, bring along picnic hamper and mention the fact that they have 'nothing but respect' for Annie Lennox
We're counting the days already, kids.
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The Tigress says
What a load of rubbish about the Diana Concert
It has been aranged by her sons, and all the acts were chosen by William and Harry, including Elton John who was a very close friend of Diana’s. I don’t really think Elton is clamouring for publicity seeing that it is being hounded by the press (among other things) that drove the pair together in the first place.
If this is William and Harry’s way of remembering their mother then don’t spew your bile until you know the facts. I am quite sure they wouldn’t have asked Elton John to the event if they thought he was an opportunist.
I think Kylie and George Michael might be described as superstars with 600 million records between them ;)