Boo-hoo. There’s going to be some hippie tears today as news has got out about the cancellation of Glastonbury festival 2012.
And why has it been cancelled? Have the organisers realised that it might be a bit rich to promote environmentally aware messages while being responsible for some insane pollution from the sheer amount of cars that travel to the event, not to mention the stars landing by helicopter AND the huge amount of electricity used on the million stages, falafel stands, bead shops and burger vans blasting out ropey dubstep 24 hours a day?
Nope. It’s because people who go to Glastonbury shit way too much.
You heard. Michael Eavis has been forced to cancel Glastonbury 2012 because of a shortage of Portaloos and the fact that the police are needed for London’s Olympic games.
Apparently, Eavis won’t be able to get toilets from anywhere because they’re all needed at the Olympic games. That means the festival organisers are telling us that the sporting event will be using all the toilets in the whole world. They’d get them from elsewhere in Europe but y’know, The Olympics has hired every last one of them. In fairness, it’s the first good thing the Olympics has done for the country thus far.
The notoriously peace-loving festival would have you believe that the crowd that attends the Pilton Pop Festival is founded on good-vibrations and that there’s a different mindset compared to other events. It’s special, right? However, the amount of police required to make sure these peaceniks don’t turn on each other like stray dogs fighting to the death in an alleyway is, of course, another matter entirely.
Our police force will be thrilled no doubt to not have to spend a weekend wading through human silage and detritus, instead, doing their rounds in a city where there are shops that don’t necessarily sell cheap amethyst rings, sunglasses with hologram hemp leaves on the lenses and preposterous novelty hats.
They will, sadly, have to walk around London though. Swings and roundabouts.
Michael Eavis decided to give some seriously flowery prose to explain the cancellation of the festival, to reward die-hard fans:
“There will be severe shortages, so we’ve decided to cancel.”
Presumably, all the other festivals on the circuit will still go-ahead because they won’t let a little thing like an Olympics get in the way of sharing some of the most boring rock bands in history with a drunk, stinking crowd up to their knees in other people’s urine.
Still, the 2011 event has sold out, telling us that there’s still folk daft enough to wish a weekend of hellish smuggery on themselves. It’s up to you whether you think we’re referring to the revellers sense of self worth or the inevitable inclusion of U2 in a headline slot.
Meet you by the mixing desk.
clive says
what a load of crap i have been to 28 glastos and we all no that they have 5 years on and one off to let the land heal.
Just headline makers trying to sell papers yawn yawn roll on 2013 for another five year hit
Gareth says
Whatever journo (not quite at the top of their profession, if you can call it that, as they’re writing for some obscure mag!) wrote this article obviously hasn’t been to Glastonbury and is talking through what most of us sit on.
Quite simply it’s the best variety of artists from all genres and an overwhelmingly friendly atmosphere from all age groups. 175000 people can’t be wrong!
Casey says
I love Glastonbury and everythign it stands for: communing in the field with nature and GREAT music. How can you hate something that’s all about peace and love? I for one can’t wait to see U2 next year, I missed out on tickets due to the system failure but happily paid
Natalie says
Could I suggest this writer do their research first? The fact that there will be no Glastonbury in 2012 has been publicly known for well over a year. As Clive pointed out, the festival takes a year off every 5 years or so, to give the farming land a break. The last “fallow year” was in 2006, therefore the next would have been due to occur in 2011. However it was decided quite sometime ago that due to the 2012 Olympics it was simply common sense to delay the fallow year to coincide with this event.
So perhaps for your next article, check the story isn’t a year plus old? And criticising a festival you’ve likely never been to, why, because you’ve heard that Glastonbury isn’t the “in thing” this year? Lazy journalism.
Phil R says
I take it the above commenters have never read hecklerspray before. Welcome to the party folks. Now go grow a sense of humour…