Nothing says ‘dead-eyed and desperate’ like Geri Halliwell. She’s a wreck isn’t she? She appears in the public eye like an old mad girlfriend you’d forgotten about, potentially always on the brink of tears.
One eye cries for sorrow, the other cries from joy. It’s a ghastly spectacle, enough to make you slit your wrists, lengthways.
And now, in a bid to remind us that she’s got sex on her mind (thereby stopping every single arousing thought on the planet), the former Spice Girl stripped off to model a line of lingerie she has designed for a British chain.
Geri unveiled her first collection of lacy bras and knickers, which are made entirely from loneliness, madness, regret and sorrow, for Next – the people who make boring work clothes.
Apparently, the collection is due to hit the shops in time for Valentine’s Day in February. That’ll ensure no-one has sex, ever again.
Halliwell says about the whole sorry thing:
“Basically, my aim was to make boobs look bigger and bums smaller! I feel I understand women’s bodies. This was my chance to do the sort of underwear for girls that the boys would like too, if you know what I mean!”
Jesus Christ.
Rumour has it that the bras will emit a palpable sense of desperation, making all suitors convinced that, if they don’t provide you gals with a baby, then they’ll have a suicide attempt on their hands.
Lovely.
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LaRue says
You should be a fashion writer. You summarise Next perfectly.