For some reason, people are under the impression that George Clooney is going to run for office. If he did, he couldn’t be a Democrat because he’s too laid back, even for them. He certainly couldn’t be a Republican because he doesn’t seem mentally challenged in some way.
Clooney would have to start a new party to liven up American politics – The Irritatingly Suave Party.
Their manifesto would involve teaching youngsters how to raise their eyebrows in a suggestive manner, the ability to make inanimate objects have orgasms and of course, the ability to drink bong water. What? Well, ask Clooney yourself.
While Clooney has absolutely no intention of becoming a politician (why would he? He can be a kinky git and do as many drugs as he liked without fear of being dubbed immoral by voters as it is), he did talk about a theoretical political career.
Clooney says:
“I didn’t live my life in the right way for politics, you know.”
“I fucked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth.”
The problem here is not that he likes to have sex with women and do drugs… rather, the key part of the sentence which makes him not ideal for modern politics in the last word he uttered – ‘truth’.
There’s clearly no place in the world for a disarmingly honest member of government. People even rolled their eyes when Obama said words to the effect of ‘course I inhaled! That was the whole point y’stupid idiots!‘
See, all this questioning has come about because Clooney is starring in a new movie where he plays a flawed presidential candidate in The Ides of March.
He’s directing the movie AND co-wrote it, which is all rather clever isn’t it? We’re surprised that he found the time to do it what with every woman in the world constantly trying to get in his undercrackers.
As a campaigner, he believes…
“would start from the beginning by saying, ‘I did it all. I drank the bong water. Now let’s talk about issues.’ That’s gonna be my campaign slogan: ‘I drank the bong water.'”
That’s almost as catchy as ‘Yes We Can’.
If hecklerspray tried to become politicians, our campaign slogan would be “We Put The Orange In Our Mouth And Sucked The Heroin From The Cotton Wool While Trying To Maintain An Erection”.
We might actually give this a go. Would you vote for us?
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Cookie Monster says
Well, if it’s bong water drinkers/gifted penetrators (a Clooney, Lee-Roth ticket?) versus Hecklerspray auto-erotic asphyxiation (a Gimmers, Carradine ticket?), I would have to vote for the former, as Clinton set a good precedent.
That whole bit about an orange slice, heroin, and erections was about auto-erotic asphyxiation, wasn’t it? If not, I apologise, I am quite behind the curve on recent politicking methods. Wait, how does the heroin get sucked whilst an orange slice is also in your gob? I smell some over-sell…