Why do people care about The Oscars? The winners get a lousy statue that resembles a gold-plated bottle of bubble bath with a screw top head. Hollywood has run out of ideas and has realised that the game is up, badly remaking Japanese films and adapting stupid books.
But Generation Yoof won't care about classic cinema being revisited will they? They’ve got Skins back on their worthless TVs.
And, worse still, sixth form politicians and literature geeks will all be going weak at the knees as skag wuss and all-round pus-factory Pete Doherty looks to cash in with a documentary based on run of the mill indie act, The Libertines. We expect no highs, just lows.
For some reason, The Libertines made it big despite sounding like every other band that was hanging around on the circuit. Perhaps excitable teenagers liked the spaced-out, brown-tooth look that Pete Doherty gave off as he constantly wandered around on a concoction of bad drugs and worse booze.
The Libertines essentially proved themselves to be a band version of Eastenders as Doherty decided to break into band mate Carl Barat?s flat to steal from him. Eventually he spent some time inside a nasty prison, which we all had a laugh over.
As we've said before, he's not the sharpest spoon in the drawer.
Frankly, we have no idea what this documentary is going to be about. After all, it does seem to be the worst trailer we've ever seen for anything. Waste a minute of your life below as the camera continues to zoom out until the very end. Go GCSE media skills!
If anyone ever sits down to watch ?There Are No Innocent Bystanders,? is it just going to be nothing but a scrap book of images featuring some muffled words by the band? Is anyone going to be able to tell what plastic cockney Pete Doherty is saying throughout?
Or will it just be one giant mockery of their career when we see how all of the members squandered away the money they received to reunite for hipster central festival, Leeds & Reading?
?There Are No Innocent Bystanders? will only be available in all bad cinemas, DVD shops and torrent sites still. Don't bother asking us when it's out.
Emily says
What a despicable and hateful ‘article’! This website and the author Matthew Laidlow could not be considered ‘grown-up’ by any standards. It is clear that the author knows nothing about The Libertines, and certainly nothing about love, faith or music. I pity him, that he cannot appreciate such things, for what else gives meaning to life? Peter and the Libertines for all their faults and troubles, created beautiful and critically acclaimed music that brought joy to many people’s lives around the world. What does this ‘article’ contribute? It only serves to export cynicism and basic ignorance and exhibits the cowardice of a schoolyard bully.
Euan L Davidson says
Oh boo fucking hoo, you’re on a satirical gossip website, don’t expect much happiness.
One Eyed Jacks says
Worst article ever from a talentless author without any sensitivity for good lyrics and musicality.
judith says
No Emily’s right, you’re talking shit. You have no idea who the libertines are, and you weren’t even able to join the real teaser.
What is the point making a site just to brag about people ? There’s none. Drinking is a better solution to forget that you’re a looser
me says
C-U-N-T CUNT THAT IS