Flo Rida, who accurately pointed out that Alexandra Burke only sings the crooked letters from the alphabet, is doing what a good rapper should and getting his skull-sized pectoral muscles into trouble with the law.
The hip-pop star, who has a voice like a pained mule being assaulted with an accordion, is getting his expensive jewellery felt-up by the long arm of the law after he decided to have a few ales and then climb into his Austin Montego for a nice drive.
Yep. Flo Rida, real name Florence and the Machine Rider, has been charged with drink driving after he was arrested in Miami.
Now, when rappers get arrested, it’s usually on some technicality because the American police force like nothing better than booking Danno, especially when Danno happens to be wealthy and black. However, Flo has no such defence really.
He was arrested by police after he was found to be twice over the legal limit.
Of course, being utterly arseholed behind the wheel, Flo Rida drove somewhat erratically, swerving all over the place and honking his horn by flexing his protruding tit muscles. Possibly.
Either way, the police saw a magnolia coloured Austin Montego driving madly and decided to haul it to the lay-by where they found a burping Flo. He promptly failed his sobriety test.
Flo Rida reported told the police:
“I can’t do this. I don’t feel I can walk a straight line. I had a few drinks. Let’s try another test. I live on the other side of the bridge. I can make it home.”
Daft twat.
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Cookie Monster says
Is it just me, or are postings getting shorter? I demand quantity, damnit. How are we to make it through the day like this? I mean, dude’s name is “Flo Rida”. That alone has to be good for at least four paragraphs. The first time I saw that name pop-up on satellite radio (Mrs. Monster had set the dial, honest) I almost left the road via laughter.
“Look,” I muppetted, “they fucked-up Florida… wait, no, it’s a name, a rapper name, MC Flow Rider, or maybe Ridder now that I’ve listened to a few bars… that is [honk honk] as witty as these brain-dead stunned cunts [hoooooonk] can get these days? I mean, his name is fucking [thwap] Flo Rida [bang, thump, whump]… FLO RIDA…. [crunch]… whoops, road’s over there”.
I was then quite sad, for I knew that music had, indeed, died, and I had laughed whilst it happened.