So. Zooey Deschanel has a new show that is being shown on Channel 4 this very night at 8:30 post meridian. Of course, we've seen it and it won’t surprise you that we are characteristically unimpressed.
That said, looking on the bright side of any situation, like we uncharacteristically do, we've managed to find five things that are good about New Girl (8:30, Channel 4).
And here they are, over the jump and as follows…
Although they've clearly scrimped on script writers by letting Zooey Deschanel say whatever she wants, whether it's funny or not, they've paid some attention to the theme tune, which although is written and performed by Deschanel (who claims that she's in a band called She & Him, though the last time we checked were just a duo of insufferably annoying pricktwists) sums up the series in a unique way.
It's ditsy, glossy and without any volume at all. And a bit ?write the feem toon, sing the feem toon.?
Apparently there is a way to make the worst thing Patrick Swayze ever did, apart from dying, Dirty Dancing, more cloying and vaginary than normal. Which is…an achievement, we guess?
?Oh look, aren't I quirky? I wear printed prom dresses and say sentences with weird rhythms and sing to myself and shower in a swimsuit. Look at the way I say things and look out the side of my eyes. Aren't I so relevant and hip?? – this is what Zooey Deschanel thinks all the time.
One of the housemates that she moves in with has the biggest jaw ever seen on a human being. Bigger than Olly Murs? and Jimmy Hill?s. Even bigger than the ones on Mount Rushmore. God bless the disgustingly faced bastard.
There's such a thing as a Douchebag Jar. No signs of ukelele playing, or listening to cassettes yet, but there's still time.
So there you are. Watch it, don't watch it. Zooey Deschanel is still going to continue to be as skin tearingly irritating whether you do or don't, and we don't care either.
Of course maybe if you do have an half hour to spare, you could do something useful, like finally find out what actually happened to the Lindbergh Baby. Or where Ian Beale?s appeal lies. We think it's something he puts in his fish batter. Probably his batter.
Simon says
Hey you hate on Zooey as much as you like – her acting is non-existent and this show is truly truly hateful – but you do NOT call M. Ward a pricktwist. It’s not his fault he was taken in by this succubus.
Marcuss says
Who wrote this drek? This article reads like a poorly-translated Chinese instruction manual. Did an editor review this jumble of random sentences for content?