Now that the Oscars are a distant painful memory, audiences are allowed to enjoy stupid films again. Especially romantic comedies where both the male and female leads look a bit like horses.
Failure To Launch – a featherweight romantic comedy about Sarah Jessica Parker trying to get Matthew McConaughey to move out of his Mum’s house – has topped the US weekend box office on its opening weekend. Quite why Failure To Launch has caught the public’s imagination enough to propel it to the top of the US weekend box office is beyond us – perhaps the world is finally ready for a blockbuster movie combining the talents of the hairplugged one out of Reign Of Fire and the annoying girl from Flight Of The Navigator.
Failure To Launch – the number one movie in the US weekend box office – is a heart-warming tale of how Sarah Jessica Parker (DVDs) wears some tight tops and conditions the shit out of her hair until Matthew McConaughey decides to move out of his parents’ house. And something about a boat. Excited? You should be – here’s the full US weekend box office top 10:
1 – Failure To Launch (People have recently stopped asking Sarah Jessica
Parker if she’s really like her Sex And The City character. Probably
because they’ve realised that she’s just a disappointing film actress
instead) $24,600,000
2 – The Shaggy Dog (So there’s The Santa Clause, where Tim Allen turns
into Santa, and now there’s The Shaggy Dog, where Tim Allen turns into
a dog. To save on special effects, maybe the next Tim Allen film should
be called The Unfunny Divorced Drink-Driving Former Drug Convict) $16,024,000
3 – The Hills Have Eyes (Sadly, The Hills Have Eyes was originally going
to be entitled The Hulls Have Eyes, and would have been an insightful
documentary about how Rod Hull and Emu would always attack people in
their eyes. But there was a typo in the pitch, so they made a shit
horror film remake instead) $15,500,000
4 – 16 Blocks (Not the Bruce Willis film that came second in last week’s
weekend box office, this is actually a film about the shittest bag of
Lego in the world) $7,306,000
5 – Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion (Featuring the most annoying use of apostrophes since Hear’Say) $5,800,000
6 – Eight Below (Dogs die in hot cars, they say. The bloody dogs in
Eight Below would kill for a nice warm car. Dogs these days, they don’t
know they’re born) $5,412,000
7 – Aquamarine (You see a lot of mermaids with human tops and fishy
bottoms, but not too many the other way around. What’s that all about?) $3,650,000
8 – Ultraviolet (Great! A film for audiences who thought that Aeon Flux was too high-brow and confusing) $3,600,000
9 – The Pink Panther (We need your help. Lately, we’ve been thinking
that The Pink Panther looks quite good. Any advice you have to stop us
paying money to see this would be greatly appreciated) $3,600,000
10 – Date Movie (A dire warning to wannabe film-makers that trying to spoof comedy films doesn’t really work) $2,500,000
Read more:
Weekend Box Office – Box Office Mojo
[story by Stuart Heritage]
sightspeed guy says
Don’t forget her stretch as the bimbo in LA Story.