Computer games are brilliant aren't they? Designed by humans who are scared of the outside world, they open us up to a world of possibilities. As a child, your imagination and a few cardboard boxes let you create mystical worlds that provided continuous adventure.
Now electrical firms in Japan can do the same with a box full of microchips and technology that could enslave the human race.
Thanks to games, we can foil a terrorist plot before lunchtime. We?d never be able to do that in real life. Some games replicate our interests, especially football. Gutted you're an obese mess, unable to play in the Premiership and can't afford a super injunction. Thanks to FIFA, your thumbs do all of that. But it's not always exciting stuff that gets converted into games. Dull, pointless and boring sports such as F1 also receive the digital treatment. Giving you the chance to drive around in a circle for a long period of time.
F1 is literally about watching a load of cars go around a racetrack very fast, multiple times. That's about it.
Occasionally, there might be a crash followed by an explosion, but until the sport becomes something like the game Wipeout, we're left scratching our heads and wondering why so many people enjoy it. You might as well get set up a load of cones in a ASDA carpark and get five cars to race round the makeshift track until the police arrive to spoil the fun.
Just like horse racing, F1 is essentially an elite sport that's enjoyed by those who can afford to take part. Until a mad scientist comes along and combines a horse and a car to make a hybrid spectacle we won't find any joy in either of them.
Instead of sending horses to the glue factory once they've ran their last race, they could continue to compete, just with the aid of an engine shoved where the sun don't shine.
When early games consoles like the ZX Spectrum arrived, an unrecognisable blob-like pixel that you could control via a joystick amazed us. With life-like graphics, we’ve become bored. Stylising lifts a dull game out of the tedium, but ultra realistic games can feel like an unswerving chore.
Companies such as Sony and Microsoft have now invested in motion sensor technology so you can be part of the game. Particularly hilarious when Wii remotes go through the TV screens. Even we can't argue about the slickness of the trailer for F1 2011, but just because every grain of dirt is visible, we're not completely sold. Go on PR people, convince us:
?The slow motion video shows off the cars and teams in the current F1 season, as well as dramatic spins, increased physics and the all-new safety car.?
An all-new safety car? Play a jolly warning jingle when somebody is being naughty? Nobody will listen to the instructions of the mumsy vehicle that's meant to keep everybody in check.
What's the point in having something that can go over 100mph very quickly if it can't be used to its full potential?
Like real Formula 1, we demand weapons.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!
James Wynne says
You have go to be the biggest idiot writer I have ever come across. You clearly don’t understand the sport and you’re clearly just a troll who enjoys p*ssing people off.
F1 is just cars going round a track to someone who doesn’t bother to observe past the obvious. It’s a sport you really invest in. The rivalries between two teammates driving the same car is brilliant to see through the year. But if you want to simplify the sport I love, allow me to do the same.
Football is just men running round a pitch with a bag of air for 90 minutes.
Sean says
I agree with James… You, supposed “reviewer”, are a cock! Stop downing the best sport on the planet, and spend more of your time trying to get a life. Now, back to F1 2011! What a game!
Adam Svenson says
I’m not sure that’s a valid point to raise. Your *opinion* that Formula 1 is the best sport on the planet renders any hope you have of forming a non-biased opinion on the subject almost entirely redundant.
Now, I’m a fan of Formula 1 but personally dislike the games. What the “supposed reviewer” is trying to say is that games should be exciting and fun to play. Unfortunately, F1 doesn’t lend itself to the world of video games. Hardcore fanboys like yourself clearly love it but people looking for an exciting, arcade style racing experience (in the style of previous F1 games up until 2000) will be hugely disappointed.
There’s nothing wrong with that.