Without a steady supply of food, we?d all turn a bit peckish and start butchering our fellow man. But before cannibalistic tendencies kick in, our eating needs are met by a stable diet of animal meat from the tasty cow, chicken or pig. That's unless you're a fussy vegetarian.
Of course, everyone has their own favourite type. And chains of restaurants have popped up around the country leading the way for the chicken-lover to indulge in greasy eating. This comes in the shape of high street restaurant Nando’s which seems to be a hit with almost everyone. But not us.
Going to a restaurant to buy chicken. Christ, there's a concept that’s both new and refreshing. After all, nothing like that has ever been seen before, has it? Oh that's right, we temporally forgot that KFC has been serving up chicken to people for the best part of 50 years around the world. Where else could you go at 10pm on a Saturday night to get more chicken then you'd ever need for four quid? Try every high street in the country.
However, fans of Nando’s will tell us that we're clucking stupid and the Portuguese restaurant is totally more sophisticated. After all, is there any graffiti in the toilet offering you sex with a local whore or chewing gum stuck to the underside of the table? No, of course not, Nando’s is a mega-posh restaurant where you'd take a ladyfriend for fine food and an unlimited ice cream machine. Want to know how it's really posh? It's serves alcohol and lets you pay by credit card. In KFC you have to sneak your own booze in.
But wait a second, crappy high street chicken-lover. Before you waltz off with your partner to Nando’s where the menu is as generic as KFC, McDonalds and Burker King, take this into consideration:
1) Both restaurants allow you the privilege of sitting down at a table. The main difference being that, in Nando’s, a waitress is paid minimum wage to sit you at a booth that hasn't been cleaned properly.
2) You order some grub. However, unlike a high class restaurant, you have to step up and do this yourself. That's right, it's so classy that you have to use your own legs to get up and order. What the staff do the rest of the time is questionable.
3) The food is cooked for you. In KFC it's dunked in oil and burnt to a crisp, but in Nando’s it's cooked on an open grill. Oh wow! How fancy is that? It's almost like they do in foreign countries, not in England where at best our food is cooked without a smile.
4) Some pleb brings it over to you. Do they do it on rollerskates or with it balanced on their little finger? Nope, nothing out of the ordinary here, just like any other place.
If you haven't gathered, all Nando’s really offers is an upmarket chicken experience where you don't have to dine with spotty teenagers throwing their milkshakes around. And how do we know that? Nandos don't serve those of course, they’re for common folk.
The sort of person who sees Nando’s as a place to go and hang out is the sort who?ll buy his girlfriend a box of Milk Tray and garage-bought flowers to top the evening off.