Back in the day, (and literally like a year ago) Leonardo DiCaprio was a timeless hunk to end all timeless hunks. Now? He’s gained some weight, has an unsuccessful man bun, and his face looks like Demi Moore’s crotch via 1983 (I feel like this isn’t the first time I’m referenced Demi Moore’s luscious early-80’s bush. You need to Google that shit).
However, that doesn’t stop him from rolling in pussy, because even fat and hairy Leonardo DiCaprio can get enough snatch to fill the goddamn Titanic. Leo was partying in Miami this past weekend, and while Drake was getting his ass kicked by P. Diddy and Miley was showing off her disco ball tits, Leo was dragging TWENTY girls home with him. TWENTY. I’d like to see how many still hot Leo could get.
Leo is like the king of fucking hot skinny bitches. While normal people look through the Victoria’s Secret catalogue, pick out underwear and order them, Leo looks through it, picks out girls and orders them. But like…seriously. He gets Victoria Secret’s angels on their backs faster than…I dunno…someone who put oil or something on the catwalk of their fashion show or something. The point is he dates a lot of models, ok?! And he’s been head of Hollywood’s notorious Pussy Posse for years, and even letting his looks go to shit hasn’t changed that.
Leo recently broke up with his most recent blond model girlfriend, so of course he was back out on the stroll with his boys. For most newly single guys, dragging home one attractive female would be a score, but Leo isn’t most guys. When Leo and his friends (including Joe Jonas, for some fucking reason) left the club in the wee hours of Sunday morning, they took every girl partying int he VIP section with them, which was roughly 20 girls.
One awestruck onlooker said:
He left with 20 girls. Leo left with 20 girls. He is my hero.
I’d say Leonardo DiCaprio is most guys heroes, because Leo proves you can look like this and still get every girl in the room:
SnogginMySisImeanSib says
Is it me, or does he look like a really slimmed down version of Orson Wells???