Normally I’d be against ragging on people for the way they look. But this post is about Justin Bieber and it’s pretty well known that he’s an enormous cockwomble, so we can all make an exception. Now let’s join together to point and laugh at his tiny little manhood.
Making Justin Bieber the face (and subsequently, crotch) of Calvin Klein underwear never made much sense to begin with.?Twelve year old girls have no need for men’s boxer shorts, so they didn’t hire him for his influence. His default face in photos makes it look like he’s trying to read a size 8 font from the other side of a dimly lit room, so wasn’t for his face. Finally, the un-retouched versions of the shoot make it pretty clear that he wasn’t hired for his body, seeing as they airbrushed his abs, pecs, crotch bulge, and even his pubes. Or lack thereof.
Someone should have just stuck a rolled up pair of socks down there, it would cheaper and would have spared him this embarrassment. Although this revelation does leave us with a pretty pressing question – What exactly did a babe like Selena Gomez see in him? Now we know he’s lacking in the trunk department, that’s every possible answer crossed off the list.
Interestingly, the only thing that they had to make smaller was his head. I like to think that was an intentional and subtle commentary about the way the media exists to hold celebrities to account for their actions. But it was probably just to make his body look freakishly huge.?Look at him, in the airbrushed version he has the head-to-body ratio of a pitbull. ?Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to have the same amount of fur as a pitbull.?
There’s a fifteen second ad that he did with Lara Stone floating around if you care enough to go and watch it. If you don’t (and no one blames you), here’s the only thing you need to know. The image on the left is a screen grab from the video that shows Bieb’s ironically miserable excuse for a happy trail. The picture on the right is another ad, with exactly fuck-loads of pubic hair between suspiciously defined abs.
The fashion industry literally spends millions of dollars a year removing body hair from models, but even they looked at Justin Bieber and thought ‘Oh Jesus, that’s just unnatural.’ Pity pubes. They gave him pity pubes.
If Bieber has to have a legacy, let it be this.
Thomas Michael Thompson says
Anybody that has a life does not give a damn !
Staggo says
Give the boy a break. In ten years he’ll be broke, look freakishly pubescent