Have you got Eurovision fever yet? Have you? Of course, by ‘Eurovision fever’ we mean ‘homosexuality’.
No we don’t. Just because it’s the gayest two hours of the year, full of gay people singing gay songs, held in the gayest country on Earth, Eurovision isn’t just for gay people, you know. It’s also for some women. And people who are alone. So terribly, terribly alone. So let’s go!
Here’s our 2009 Eurovision rundown for AySel & Arash from Azerbaijan…
Azerbaijan ? AySel and Arash, Always
It's taken almost a week, but we've finally found our first brain-numbingly terrible Eurovision entry, from the always-reliable Azerbaijan. Maybe it's the fact that AySel and Arash are respectively a descendant of a 19th century Azerbaijani publicist and a Swedish-Iranian rapper. Or maybe it's the fact that the opening line to Always – after a cry from Arash that makes it sound like he's been punched in the testicles by a toddler – is some old twaddle about shadows staying close to light. Or maybe it's the way that, during the chorus, AySel and Arash appear to be singing two different songs at two different speeds at two different volumes. And, by the way Azerbaijan, we've noticed how you've tried to cover this up by making a pretty girl in a short skirt wiggle her arse about, but it's not going to wash. At this moment in time, we find it hard to believe that this won't be the worst song entered into Eurovision this year.
Tomorrow: BELARUS!
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Marc Butler says
That’s a bit harsh. You don’t know much about the Eurovision Song Contest, do you ? The experts are saying it will do well, look at the odds.
rafael_guitarist says
? think u have been punched or hit in your testicles by a toddler, so you know how it feels, asshead!
Aysel`s arse on your mouth!!!
thefucker says
what a stupid comment!
so you saw what the result was and how they kicked your ass?
learn how to write first you asshole..
elshan says
Aysel was the most beautiful girl in eurovison 2009 ,
We`ve got 3rd place ………..
I love Azerbaijan…. i congratulate all azerbaijanians with that success and grateful to Europe for their love and support!!!!!!
arta says
jeni ma te miret jeni ma te mir se nowey se ata kan knu palidhje ju kan ba me hile jeni ma te mirt