It's a big week in Eastenders ? Kat and Alfie are back! Contain yourselves!
At the Slater household, Mo frantically searches for Zoe’s birth certificate after an unexpected phone call from Kat. On finding the certificate, Mo hurries off and persuades Fatboy to lend her his ice cream van to travel to a caf?. What? Why? Sounds HILARIOUS
Kat is disguised in a blonde wig, presumably trying to look even more like an old prostitute. She's on the run from guys she and Alfie scammed thousands of pounds from. When Mo asks why Alfie isn’t helping her escape, Kat tells her he is dead and she desperately needs a new identity. Oh no! How sad! What a shame his face has been plastered all over every listings magazine, or I might believe her.
Mo encourages Kat to come home for a few minutes and she reluctantly agrees. But Kat is horrified when Jean tells her there are two men in the living room who are asking questions about her ? old punters?
Meanwhile, it’s the day of George’s christening and Minty struggles to tell Heather the truth about his feelings for Sam. So Heather misunderstands and thinks he is declaring his love for her, as you do. Sam passionately kisses Minty in a desperate attempt to persuade him to go to Ibiza with her and baby Richard. Sam tells him to meet her during the christening, where they can leave together. At the christening, Minty is in turmoil – which woman will he choose?
Poor bastard.
Billy is shocked when he comes face-to-face with Alfie, who we all thought was dead! Oh no, there he is on the cover of TV Times. Meanwhile, at the Slater household, Kat, Mo, Jean, Charlie and Stacey frantically work out an escape route from the mystery men looking for Kat, trying to block the kitchen door as Kat goes out the window. But Jono and Lee (the thugs ? crazy names, crazy guys) smash through the kitchen door. They threaten Kat and say that when the ?40,000 is returned, they will return baby Lily, who they have kidnapped. With nowhere to run, Kat gives in and begins to throw handfuls of cash at the men (and besides, with that arse she'd never get through a standard sized window).
Comedy alert!
Suddenly, the door crashes open and Alfie and Billy burst in flashing fake CID cards. Jono and Lee make a speedy getaway, leaving the Slaters relieved to hear baby Lily safe and well in the living room, but gobsmacked to see Alfie stood in front of them.
Although pleased to see each other after six months, Kat and Alfie argue about who has suffered the most during their time apart (we have, we had to read his book Rags to Richie or see her in Strictly). Alfie and Kat’s argument leads Kat to explain why she told Mo that he was dead – she had meant that he was dead to her.
Aah, that explains it then. When I said my old nan had altzheimers, I didn't mean it literally ? I meant she had altzheimers to me.
The argument climaxes with Kat in the middle of the Square, revealing her heavily pregnant figure, before stating that the baby is not Alfie’s…can anyone ever have a baby to the right father in Walford? Of course not.
Meanwhile, at George’s christening, Minty is tense when he notices another missed call on his mobile from Sam, waiting in a cab for him. He suddenly deserts the ceremony, and Heather is confused when she follows him into the street and finds him kissing Sam. Minty is dumbstruck as Sam abuses Heather, saying Minty has never loved her. She then romantically announces of Minty that “anything’s better than nothing“. Despite her feeble attempts to convince Minty that she is in love with him, she fails and is forced to leave in a cab, distraught. Later, Minty insists to Heather that he does love her, but she tells him to leave. Why not just kill yourself, Minty? Seriously.
Elsewhere, Vanessa decides to move back in with Harry for Jodie’s sake (?); Phil surprises Shirley by turning up for the christening suited and booted; and Max insists Vanessa will come back to him as she can’t help herself.
Next episode, Kat is in deep thought as she sits staring at a ?10,000 wad of rolled up notes on the table in front of her. Will she roll one up to do a Hatton? No, on hearing the doorbell, she hides the cash as Jean goes to answer the door to Alfie. Kat tells Jean, Mo and Charlie to get rid of him. Undeterred, Alfie sings through the letter box (no doubt smugly but badly) until Charlie gives in and eventually lets him inside (that would take me seconds). Alfie tells Kat that he has come back for her and wants them to be a proper family – what will Kat do?
Meanwhile, Shirley is disturbed to find Heather alone at Minty’s, red-eyed and hugging his overalls (does she think it's food?). She has stern words with her and gives her a stuffed toy dog, to make her smile. Well, that should be enough, thanks. Later, Shirley finds Phil at the Arches and asks questions about cars in an effort to spend more time with him (this sounds amazing). She says she's worried about him and is relieved when he assures her that he will be fine as long as he has her.
At the caf?, Glenda asks Roxy for money to buy Ronnie’s baby a gift, but Roxy tells her that if she needs money, she should get a job like everyone else, maybe at the bookies. Later, Glenda tells Roxy she has called around the designer shops on Bond Street and she’ll be snapped up soon. A frustrated Roxy gives Glenda a stuffed dog (I can see some toy dog shenanigans coming up) for Ronnie’s baby and then drags her off to the bookies to enquire about the job.
Glenda arrives for her trial day working at the bookies but immediately makes a bad impression on Carol. She has clearly been inspired by Patrick’s story about how they used to serve alcohol in the bookies as a way of encouraging punters to place higher bets.
Carol reluctantly leaves Glenda in charge of the business when she has to run an errand for Bianca and, on her return, she is livid to find drunken customers. She’s even more horrified to see Glenda coming through from the back of the shop adjusting her skirt, followed shortly after by Leon. Outraged, Carol reprimands Glenda before realising that they had in fact taken an incredible amount of money that day. Great, a load of pissed rowdy drunks gambling away their benefits ? well done.
Elsewhere, Dot consoles Heather, giving her advice about finding a place to live and putting baby George first. Dot suggests Ethel?s old flat and Heather decides to put in an offer. What a week!
sonia says
i cant wait to see what is going to happen on Christmas day
DONT GO STACY WE LOVE U LOL
Leah says
well its is good but i want ronnie to get caught by kat that she has stolen the baby because its not fair and if she dosent get caught it will be boring and i will never watch eastenders again please let ronnie get caught!!!:)
leah says
and sonia your right stacey we love u we idint want u to go!!!