Its a good job that Robert Pattinson is good-looking. He wouldn’t be famous otherwise would he? Here, we have a young man with all the personality of a whisk and the acting prowess of a SCART lead. Yet, time and time again, he’s rumoured to be having it away with some pretty thing behind Kristen Stewart’s back.
This time, the rumours surround someone called Caitlin Cronenberg. She’s the daughter of movie director David Cronenberg, which must be nice for her.
And while this rumour kicks in, a million teenage gussets dampen at the sight of Pattinson covered in goo… all over that oddly assembled face of his… just imagine licking it off. WWWWURRRRRGH! SEXUAL FEELINGS IN OUR LEGS!
Of course, the whole story is complete bunkum. Pattz hasn’t been “cozying up” to Cronenberg’s seed. And while she may look like Kristen Stewart, what with having similarly coloured hair and a kinda similar face (look here if you want), it would appear that this is just an affair in the minds of those who can’t bring themselves to face the crushing banality of Robert Pattinson’s life.
In fact, even the thickest gossip columnist (Hi there! We know you’re reading this because you keep stealing our stories!) wouldn’t be able to justify an affair out of this. That’s because Caitlin is on record – with loads of ‘sources’ backing it up – as being the kind of girl who constantly chunners on about her wonderful, wonderful boyfriend.
This pretty much means that we’ll all have to go back assuming that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are still going steady in a really tedious manner. Naturally, we’ll assume that they’re arguing all the time and sleep in separate beds and whatnot.
It’s only a matter of time before we all club together and start the ‘marriage of convenience’ rumours and start presuming that Pattinson is gay. Which he probably isn’t, mainly thanks to him being utterly sexless.
Still, at least there’s some pictures knocking around of Pattinson covered in pie.
That’s nice isn’t it?
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LisaB says
Jealous much, you bitter little person?
hello girl says
Thank you, finally a story I can read and not puke. I do bet their are a lot of bloggers writing stories without checking their sources. I am so tired when bloggers, say inside sources say such and such. Who are these tipsters anyway? I am sure Rob and Kristen are smart enough to not let someone like that into their inner circle.
Albert says
HE WAS IN A lAKE THIS LONG WEEKEND WITH CAITLIN CRONENBERG he is been cheating with her since May but the media is quite because money talk but they don’t hide many people saw them in Lake Ontario she got a bad reputation and now Robert too.
Amanda says
Ok I saw them in a house close to the lake he was with friends and with this chic with a mouth piercing they were making out he was drunk my parents didnt’ let me take a picture because his bodyguard saw us I’m so sad he is no the Robert I got on my headthe chick was drunk and all over him we got to leave early paparazzi were there and was to noisy.