It feels a bit redundant to welcome Mel Gibson into the Bastard Club because, you know, look at him.
His place has always been kind of assured. You see, when it comes to being a bastard, you can’t really top swigging from a bottle of tequila as you drive around Malibu and then using your arrest as a launchpad to wail a volley of startling anti-Semitic invective at the nearest Jewish policeman. But, now that Mel Gibson has been accused of cheating on his pregnant girlfriend with a Polish porn star, he officially qualifies for formal inclusion into the Bastard Club. So welcome aboard, Mel.
Incidentally, Mel Gibson denies the rumours and the Polish porn star in question denies that she’s even a porn star. But why let something as piffling as that get in the way of Mel’s triumphant and long-awaited Bastard Club induction, huh?
For someone who bangs on about Jesus so much, Mel Gibson’s a pretty crap Catholic, isn’t he? Off the top of our heads he’s spent the last 10 years getting drunk, getting arrested for being drunk, being intolerant of other religions, getting divorced, knocking up a Russian woman out of wedlock and making a film about Jesus starring all sorts of creepy adult-looking babies. All he needs to do now is get a bit gooey-eyed over his neighbour’s ox and Mel Gibson will have struck out completely, in a biblical sense.
There isn’t a commandment about not having it off with a Polish porn star behind your unmarried girlfriend’s pregnant back – probably because not even God thought that anybody could be that much of a shit – but if there was, Mel Gibson might have just broken it. According to a National Enquirer interview, a porn star from Poland named Violet Kowal says that she had it off with Mel a bunch of times while his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva was pregnant with his child. The San Francisco Examiner reports:
?Mel?s breakup with Oksana doesn't surprise me at all,? said Violet, who claims to have had a three-month affair with Mel. ?Clearly, Mel can't commit to just one woman.? Violet said she hooked up with the ?Braveheart? star eight times, including trysts at his home and his office. Allegedly, she passed a polygraph test. ?Mel?s great in bed. It was the best sex I've ever had,? Violet said.
For the record, Mel Gibson’s slaves are calling Kowal’s story “an absurd fabrication”. So who’s to say that Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva split up because he was busy having illicit office sex with a Polish porno actress? That might not be the case at all. It’s just as equally plausible that she realised that he just wasn’t very pleasant to be around. Maybe we’ll never know. And we’re completely OK with that, by the way.
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