No. Now with that out of the way – substance abuse centres think they're so tough, but they're not. They pride themselves on being impregnable, but they're not.
Maybe to a math geek a rehab centre would be inescapable, and panty-waist thespians might find Betty Ford completely containing, but a cowboy'd stick his fist through the front gate as sure as he's rip out a calf's fourth stomach with three chop-sticks and a bic pen! They can do that you know. You can't keep-in cowboys, man! And Keith Urban, inarguably, is a cowboy. An Australian cowboy, but in some parts of Australia that still counts.
So did Keith Urban 'Doherty' his way out of rehab? Was he escorted by circus dwarves, ticker tape and streamers? Only the next page knows for sure.
As has been long suspected, alcohol is the blood coursing through Hollywood's veins. A few recent examples of this could be Mel Gibson's sugar-titting, Danny Devito's View-spew , and even Lindsay Lohan's current enrollment in AA – the alcohol kind, not the stranded car kind.
And of course you have Keith Urban's in-patient rehab status since Oct 19. Although Urban is out of the centre, his slave says he's:
"…still undergoing treatment."
'…on an out-patient status' is how the slave likely should have ended that line. But that's a boring quote, and hecklerspray hates boring quotes. That's why when all else fails, we make quotes up instead, like this one, which we pretend Urban said even though he definitely didn't:
"Alcoholism is a horrific beast I only plan to indulge on weekends and holidays from here on out."
Or this one:
"hecklerspray, between you and me, I keep a flask in my marsupial-like pouch…I'm Australian, you know."
Well we certainly wish Urban all the best. Rehab can be tough, we know. We were in one once after binging for three weeks on Pixie Stix & Cap'n Crunch. And we took both vices together too, it was a wonderful sticky mess that we don't crave at all anymore. Ever. At all.