Dennis Quaid's newborn baby twins are lucky to be alive – it wasn't so long ago that they were being injected with doses of blood-thinner 1,000 times larger than normal.
But although his new son and daughter survived the giant Heparin overdose – and are thought to be recovering well – Dennis Quaid is still thirsty for revenge. That's why Dennis Quaid and his wife Kimberly Buffington are suing Baxter Healthcare Corp, which manufactures Heparin, for £50,000 in a product liability lawsuit. It shows just how angry Dennis Quaid must be to pursue Baxter through legal paths, because in the past he's resolved any outstanding medical difficulties by shrinking himself down to a sub-atomic level and injecting himself up Martin Short's arse.
There are basically two things that parents never want to hear. One is "This is my new boyfriend. His name is Joshua but everyone calls him Devil Puke," and the other is "Sorry, we appear to have accidentally given your newborn baby twins 1,000 times more of this anti-coagulant drug than we were supposed to. Whoops."
And although Dennis Quaid still has the first one to look forward to, he knows the stomach-dropping fear of the second only too well. Last month the lives of Dennis Quaid's baby twins were put in jeopardy when hospital workers at the Los Angeles Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre inadvertently injected them with 10,000 units of blood-thinning drug Heparin instead of the usual 10.
Fortunately Dennis Quaid's twins have recovered well from the almighty, near-fatal cock-up, but that doesn't mean that Dennis Quaid is going to forgive and forget. No, Dennis Quaid wants revenge, just like in that film of his, Jaws 3-D. But, you know, he wants it by suing a pharmaceutical company instead of exploding a big shark's mum with a hand grenade. For once.
So, long story short, Dennis Quaid has taken out a lawsuit against Baxter Healthcare Corp because he claims that different volumes of Heparin should be labelled more visibly, and the fact that they aren't is grounds for a product liability suit on the basis that he wants no other children to go through the same thing.
However, Baxter is claiming that the babies were only overdosed in the first place because hospital workers can't read numbers very well. Baxter spokeswoman Deborah Spak says:
"This is not a product issue. The issue here is about improper use of a product. While we strive to clearly differentiate our products and dosages, no amount of differentiation will replace the value of clinicians carefully reviewing and reading a drug name and dose before dispensing and administering it."
While it's not our place to speculate on legal matters that we clearly know nothing about – for once – the main thing is that Dennis Quaid's twins are OK. And the other main thing is that all of their future medical ailments will be cured by injecting a miniature Dennis Quaid into their arses and letting him fly around their guts getting slightly drunk, singing Sam Cooke songs and occasionally battling miniature evil nonspecific Europeans in a fight to the death above some stomach acid.
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