Jennifer Aniston is a girl after our own heart – she knows that the only way to keep a man is to get pregnant and guilt them into commitment.
Allegedly. Allegedly Jennifer Aniston has something growing in her stomach, and for once it’s not the burning desire to be the centre of attention or a little voice going “Feeeed meee! I’m so hungryyy!” Allegedly, you see, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with John Mayer‘s baby. Oh, and they’re getting married as well. Allegedly.
If this is true, we can’t help feeling that this is a mistake. If Jennifer Aniston wants to get her revenge on Angelina Jolie so much, then she shouldn’t be getting pregnant from a pasty white American like John Mayer – she should be getting pregnant from a Cambodian. And an Ethiopian. And a bloke from Vietnam. And probably a couple of Indians and a some Chinese men. All at once. On the internet. It’s the only way.
We’re eternal optimists here, which is why we refuse to believe that Jennifer Aniston is unlucky in love. We prefer to think of her as really lucky at living her increasingly desperate-seeming life out on the cover of magazines regardless of how emotionally needy it makes her look as a person. See? That’s much better.
But now, after fruitless relationships with Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn and that man who looked a bit like Brad Pitt if you got drunk, held a piece of gauze over your eyes, squinted and tilted your head to a very precise angle, it looks like Jennifer Aniston has found lasting happiness with John Mayer – a man she went out with briefly, then got dumped by, then sort of got back together with and has now possibly got pregnant by. If that’s not a recipe for lasting happiness, we just don’t know what is.
No, seriously. Things have apparently got so serious between Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer that Mayer has allegedly knocked Aniston up. And, what’s more, Jennifer Aniston is supposed to have proposed to John Mayer as well. You hear that noise? That’s the sound of planet Earth sliding into hell. According to Showbiz Spy:
Jennifer Aniston has proposed to John Mayer, according to tabloid reports. The pair recently rekindled their relationship after finding out Aniston was pregnant. And now, a source tells Star, “John sent Jennifer a series of romantic emails – but she said she would only take him back if they got married, and he agreed. “They both know this is it. She wants to settle down, and finally, so does he.
Personally we’re not going to believe a sniff of this until we see actual, lasting physical proof. We’re not going to believe that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are getting married until their wedding photos have been ruthlessly sold to as many tabloid magazines as they can possibly manage. And we’re certainly not going to believe that Jennifer Aniston is pregnant until we see a baby.
And even then we’re not going to fully believe that the baby was fathered by John Mayer. Not until we have total unquestionable proof that the baby is half Aniston and half Mayer. That’s right, we want it to have a big pointy chin, stupid girly hair and a singing voice that makes us want to kick our own mouths off. Sure, it’ll probably set the progress of humanity back a generation or two, but at least we’ll know.
anon says
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Flank Tarmigan says
I like jennifer aniston and would like to give her a big kiss on the bottom.
Waiter says
that was good I liked it LOL
But it would of been good if she was pregnant
And getting married but no
Sh** she doesn’t even show a**anymore
She’s becoming boring…. Boriston
If she want me to watch her movies she
Better show off her ass
maggie says
i really don’t understand how you can say that it is jennifer aniston who loves media attention. brad and angie are the ones who are always looking to do interviews and who sold their OWN pics to a magazine to invite the world into their private life even more. now if that isn’t starving for media attention then i don’t know what is. lay off JA. she has done nothing to deserve the nasty things that are said about her. let her live her life and stop dragging her through the mud for no reason.
Marilyn Bonny says
All I can say if someone stole your husband or your husband/wife would you talk about yourself that way. Put yourself in Jen’s shoes. I wish nothing like this happened to us judmental people. Jen handled herself very well. She is a human being with feelings. Well at list she waited instead of stealing someone’s husband like they did to her. I commanded her for behaving with such grace. She is a well accomplished, rich, beautiful, well mannered woman. for those of you who dis respected her. Shame on you.
karen says
imagine, someone got your wife/husband (someone you really really love)while you still married, would you suffer? would you feel the pain? Im sure you would suffer a big heartache so as Marilyn said put yourself in her shoes.
janice says
you really need to take your meanist and look in the mirror while you spew this rot about a woman you know nothing about. peewee pitt and flapperlips sell and pimp their private life and kids out to the world and no i would never like to be flapperlips because any man that sell pictures of a private and family moment is not worth having. she realy picked a low life to have kids with and as for helping the world crap they only help themselves to more pr. jen has class and lay off mayer you don.t know him and have no right to judge him maybe a class woman like jen is what he needs.