There was no doubting David Carradine’s pedigree. He was an iconic actor. He had an iconic personality. People loved him.
So, following his death yesterday, which of these things will David Carradine most likely be remembered for? Sadly, it looks like it won’t be any of them. Not the way he almost single-handedly brought kung-fu to a western audience. Not his electrifying presence on stage and screen. Not his phenomenal charisma.
No, it looks as if David Carradine will be remembered for the being the old man who tied a shoelace around his willy and wanked himself to death. Bummer.
When news broke about David Carradine’s sudden death yesterday, there were a flurry of conflicting reports. Firstly it was claimed that Carradine died of natural causes, which sounded completely feasible – after all, he was a man in his seventies visiting a strange country. And, in a way, those reports were right. David Carradine did die of natural causes.
Because, come on, who hasn’t shut themselves in a hotel cupboard, tied a length of string around their neck and genitals and wanked themselves silly until they accidentally died? We know we have.
Sadly, bizarrely, that looks like it’ll end up being David Carradine’s official cause of death. The Telegraph reports:
Thai police are investigating the twin theories that the death was either suicide or a sex game gone wrong. Initially, police said they believed Carradine had committed suicide and were not seeking anyone else in connection with the death. However, there was no suicide note and an unnamed officer claimed the death may have been an attempt at auto-eroticism.
Of course, it could still be argued that David Carradine’s death was deliberate, given his long-standing belief that death would be nothing more than an ‘inconvenience’ and his unusual relationship with suicide. While writing his autobiography, for instance, David Carradine famously toyed with the idea of shooting himself in the head with his loaded Colt .45 daily, “just to see”.
But let’s be clear here – all the signs are pointing to a botched Michael Hutchence-style attempt at auto-erotic asphyxiation. Which is fine – if you’re going to take your death into your own hands, you might as well do it half-naked in a cupboard with a bit of string wrapped around your wrinkly old pecker – but it’s bound to overshadow everything else you’ve ever accomplished in your life.
As good as Kung Fu was, or Kill Bill, or his work with Ingmar Bergman, or his incredible age-defying physicality, will you be able to watch any of David Carradine’s old performances and not be constantly reminded of the fact that he’d one day wind up dead in Bangkok with his balls in his hands? It’s hard to say.
However, if Heath Ledger‘s death proved anything it’s that Hollywood loves an actor who can accidentally kill themselves in the nude. Maybe Carradine’s role as horny triad Poon Dong in Crank 2 will get that best supporting actor Oscar after all.
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Tom J says
An unbefitting legacy for a great man. Mind you, “death by unconventional masturbation” sounds a lot cooler than “death by natural causes” (to anyone other than his family, I would imagine).
ellen barjen says
He was due to have dinner with the crew from his film onWednesday night but failed to turn up for the meal. SO WHY DIDNT THE CREW CALL HIM OR VISIT HIS ROOM LATER TO SEE IF THE OLD MAN WAS OKAY? The young generation has no manners, they could have saved his life. But no, no calls, no visit. Let it be. and there it is: he’s dead. Because nobody in the crew cared enough to go see what was wrong with him not showing up. damn, when I am 72, i hope someone cares enough to help me…. sick young people these days!
Josh Geller says
They didn’t come see him because they thought he might be wanking and they didn’t want to interrupt him.
The man’s been a known perv for decades.
The American Auto-Erotic Asphyxia Association wants you!
.
Tom J says
But you know what, maybe he didn’t WANT to be disturbed by his co-workers whilst having a bizarre and unconventional wank. Would you really want to share that with your co-workers? Even if they did go check on him, it’s not like he’d answer the door. He was probably sitting in there thinking to himself “oh FUCK don’t let them see me like this [cough][cough][urkkkkk]”.
Cap'n Wank says
So I guess I shoudn’t hold the end of my willy while wank to prevent my hot steamy man goo from going over the place. Only problem is, my keyboard will get sticky.
Victoria says
Please have respect for the dead. He was a great actor. And I’m sorry but I’m not convinced that that is how he died. People would lie and say anything to cover their own asses.
Melodie says
Only a loser dies of natural causes!
Ken says
He commited an act that is a favourite of Engish sheep-shaggers.
Shamrock says
Hell maybe he thought that would be better than a 45 slug yo the head.
No where near as messy.
Quicker clean up!
Patois says
It might have been a sex game. Sure sounds like it. But, on the otherhand, I met him once about ten years ago in Telluride quite briefly at a party and, as a psych/hospice nurse, I saw a profound depression in the man, bad enough for me to express my concern to him. I’m going to miss his presence and talent in the world.
Sean Mac says
These celebs..obviously they`ve done it all and just get bored with the usual shagging nonsense.
But how far would they go? i mean,say he`d survived that!..what next?
skydiving without a parachute whilst a rabid baboon sucks you off??
I dunno!…just glad i`m not famous.
linda rios says
so what…having sex and getting off whats the big deal…i hope david did go out in a blaze of glory having fun then dying from suicide. i hope some wonderful woman of the evening was with him helping him into the hereafter. its a wonderful way to go and totally unconventional like david was. he lived life on his own terms and when i learned of his death i just knew it had to do with autoerotic not suicide. for all you out there passing judgement you can only hope you go out like this at 72 then slowly dying of cancer etc.so admit it and stop trying to be prissy idiots who act all self rightous…
marsha says
well no matter what he died from or how he died david was a legend i loved watching him in kung fu he was a great actor and am sadened by his death he will be sadly missed but never forgotten. marsha
Nancy Coehn says
He was not a perv! He was not a sexual crazed man. Inside, the heart was good and strong like Kwai Chang Caine. He staged his own suicide to look accidental on purpose so that his real love Annie could get production insurance which families do not get when someone committs suicide, same happened to my own father! But they claimed accidental and we got funds, but it was not accdential! Carradine was depressed, ailing and old…
Kevin says
Ok, I’ll admit it, I am no saint. However, when a man dies like that, it’s either murder or accidental. Nobody wants to be found with a ‘cord’ around your wingus and hanging in a closet. You see, I think he did not want to die. He wanted to do it again probably in a couple of hours.
As for the comments, realistically, the onus should be on Mr Carradine for putting himself in that position. I openly am laughing about this story, simply because it is horribly funny. I did not know the guy. The fact that he played cool guys on TV does not mean that he was a cool guy in reality. In fact, all I can say for sure about the guy is that he was found dead , hanging , in a closet, with a rope around his neck and a cord around his junk. Sorry for the fans, but I don’t see the need for reverent treatment here. Liked his movies, he had the right to do what he wanted with his body, but damn it, if you yank off like that then you are gonna die, and people are going to laugh at you for it.
Melinda says
Why are people so hateful these days. He’s dead so leave him alone. No one actually knows what his life was like and no one should pass judgement on him no matter what the circumstances.
nollie says
fuck that, i want to die of natural causes…but then again i guess the meaning of the term natural causes is more defined by ones own perception of it. cancer could be considered natural, masterbation as well…
nollie says
cap’n wank, seeing as your chosen name depicts the humor of that of a nine year old, i doubt you have to worry about the key board getting sticky, or your “man” goo going anywhere except all over your thomas blankets after a dream about your mummies ninnies that makes you feel like a filthy little leaker!
bolly says
well, they say sex is like dying a little, even if your sexing yourself up, but sex is a great release, and well, maybe he wanted to mix the ultimate living release with the greatest mystery of all that many a civilization have formed cultures and beliefs around. perhaps he did not belive in death as most westerners do. or, maybe it was just an unfortunate accident. either way, i hope he did not suffer.
jim jarmusch says
i thought he did an “ok” job on that ingmar bergman film..serpents egg…why did bergman chose him?..just curiosity
Dennyb says
You seem to be a good writer, but something diturbs me. You keep referring to David’s wanker, or willy as being wrinkled. Are you suspect?
Little Willy says
Davids’s wanker had a mind of its own.
SerfsUp says
He was murdered you morons no one ties their hands behind their back before they hang themselves!!
Gel says
He staged the whole thing.
The mad mod says
Oi doucher, it’s actually welsh people who are more well known for sheep shagging so go shove your head up your own ass you ignorant prick.
Mike says
For more on Carradine’s sex death, check out “David Carradine: The Eye of My Toranado”. I found it on amazon!
blindtoby says
his mother said if he did thet he would go blind, not die.
blame his mother!