Expressionless slab-faced lump of FAIL David Boreanaz ? better known for playing ?Angel?, the perplexing object of affection for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and little else unless you count that cop show that only your mother really likes (although you still have to find it for her on her EPG) ? will no doubt be today celebrating his complete exoneration from charges of sexual harassment filed all the way back in July of last year.
If, by ?complete exoneration? you mean ?he paid-off the complainant so she'd keep quiet?.
Or ?settled out of court? as they call it in that America.
Which of course is absolutely fine as all Boreanaz was really accused of was sending ?inappropriate text messages?. If that's a crime, all hecklerspray staff are looking at twenty years, County Time. (No, we don't know what that means either.)
Oh and apparently, according to defendant Kristina Hagan, he tried to “kiss her and touch her breasts”.
Again, anyone outraged by this has never been to an office party. Ever.
And she has claimed that Boreanaz masturbated in front of her.
Which is where we draw the line, because that is disgusting. The staff here at hecklerspray are appalled by this. We never masturbate in front of anyone. We even cover the mirror in the bathroom with a towel so we can't see ourselves doing it.
hecklerspray wishes the very best of luck to David ?Forehead? Boreanaz as he reportedly does his best to save his marriage to Jaime Bergman, and we suspect he will need it. We've googled her, decided she's ?fit? and he's now got some serious competition from deluded men and women in underpants who haven't left the ‘spray house in days.
And after already admitting to having full sex with another woman without his wife?s knowledge, he's probably got an up-hill struggle, what with as all this ?feeling-up an intern and spaffing-off in front of her as well? legal nonsense.
We suspect that not only has he much ?sofa-time? to contend with, there will also be endless opportunities for ?personal self-discovery? as he attempts to save his marriage, whilst reflecting upon the fact that attempting to fuck the girl at the studio who brings his coffee is a silly thing to do.
Which, by the way, he DEFINITELY DIDN?T DO.
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lucy says
Love your article. Funny….. Guess he figured he settle as he would have lost the case. Too bad his wife has such low self esteam that she feels she must stay with him. She’s a pretty girl and could find someone better who would appreciate her. He’s no prize. I look forward to reading his new adventures as time goes on. Men like that don’t change their patterns or habits just lay low for awhile and then creep back out.