Cheating on your wife is the new must-have celebrity fad, the new ugly little dog in a handbag, if you will.
Everyone’s at it. Literally every single celebrity on Earth – like Tiger Woods, Sandra Bullock‘s husband and possibly Charlie Sheen – has dabbled in marital infidelity over the last few months. And now it’s trickled down to non-celebrities. Non-celebrities like former Buffy star David Boreanaz, who has admitted to the press that he’s been cheating on his wife, probably just to remind the world that he still exists.
But anyway, David Boreanaz was forced to take his infidelities public because of an apparent extortion attempt by a former mistress. That’s not important, though. What’s important is the full and honest way that David Boreanaz admitted that his marriage has been ‘tainted’ by his infidelities – something that we’ll explore just as soon as we’ve stopped laughing at the word ‘tainted’.
David Boreanaz – who used to play Angel on Buffy and now plays Whatshisname on That Show That’s Supposed To Be Quite Good Even Though You’ve Never Watched It – has just joined the Bastard Club. He’s admitted to the world, right out of the blue, that he has repeatedly cheated on his wife of nine years. We’ll just show you his quote straight away, courtesy of People:
“Our marriage has been tainted with my infidelities. I just want to be open and honest. I was irresponsible… I was associated with a woman who I was involved with and had a relationship with. She asked for money. I felt as though I was being blackmailed or there was some sort of extortion… We’re working on our marriage. We’re working on repairing what has been damaged so badly.”
That extortion qualifier is important. It was never really a secret that David Boreanaz enjoyed bonking around – he’d been linked with Rachel Uchitel long before the Tiger Woods scandal – but by suggesting that one of his mistresses forced him into a confession, Boreanaz is making it clear that he’s one of the good bastards like David Letterman and not one of the bad bastards like Jesse James.
Still, it’s fairly clear what’ll happen from here. There’ll be a flood of women, all claiming to have slept with David Boreanaz, who’ll sell their story to the press for a rapidly diminishing amount of money. Then, after realising that none of it is technically his fault, David Boreanaz will check into a sex addiction clinic – a move that will be swiftly followed by either his wife’s gradual realisation that she can live with his infidelities or his wife’s decision to dump him and adopt a baby from New Orleans instead.
That’s working on the assumption that David Boreanaz is a celebrity, of course. And since he’s not, the next step will probably just be that everyone forgets about this by lunchtime. Which we’re completely OK with, by the way.
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Beth says
This article is hilarious! Thank you for pointing out the obvious. He is a douche bag who will be seen as a good guy for “admitting” his problem. No one cares! I don’t understand why he even went public.
Vicky says
i’m a little insulted on his behalf for the “non celebrity” crack. I have always been a fan of his. the current show is bones. he was good in buffy; good in angel and is now good in bones. i’m not sure what kind of snobbery this attitude reflects, but really.. couldn’t you have found something else to slur?
on the other hand… as for the infidelity, how much $$ did the mistress want? how long was the affair? should mistresses in general have rights?
Kelly says
You made this story very entertaining and I especially liked the last line. Unfortunately for me, I really like the show Bones. David plays someone with many more values than he apparently has and does it well. He is a good actor, see?
Heather says
First of all David Boreanaz is not a non-celebrity! He has one of the top rated television shows on FOX! A HUGE fan base from doing Buffy and Angel and has starred all together in three top rated TV shows! While I don’t agree with what he chooses to do in his personal life, it is NONE of my buisness or anyone elses. While I am sure Stewie that you are a perfect human being in every way and have never ever made a mistake the rest of us are mere mortals and occasinally slip up. You don’t know anything about their marriage or life. You also don’t personally live with Sandra Bullock, Tiger Woods, or Charlie Sheen. No marriage is perfect. They all take work. Why don’t you take your writing skills and use them for something news worthy!
Heather says
On another note if he is such a non-celebrity as you put it then why did you even bother to write about him. You sure don’t mind using his “non-celebrity” status to make money or boost up your reading. You must be such a great person! HA!
Leann says
The children of these narcissists are the innocent ones who suffer most from their parents’ selfish behavior.
garthwooley says
@ Beth
Danica says
Are you absolutely crazy? You wish you had the financial resources that this man has. His show “Bones” is one of the top rated shows on Fox Television. Not to mention the fact that two of his shows are in syndication: “Angel” which airs two hours five times a week, and “Bones” that airs two to three hours a day six times a week. Most hollywood actors would crave that kind of exposure and payout. So don’t be stupid! Your comment just shows your ignorance. I hope that he will be able to settle his personal problems. But in the meantime I will support him as an actor!
StuFan#1 says
OMG!!!!!!!!!1I can,t not belief what I am reading in here as people come in (here) and lay their eggs onto Stuart Heritage because II if you didn,t know II will tell you what he is? that is he is that he is the one who owns the webpages here and if you don,t like what his opinion seys DON’T COME BACK IN TO HERE THEN YOU DIRTY LOSSERS ANd especilly don,t come back into here with your filth speech and your prostute lips in fact go some where else with them (your filth speech and prostute lips)
robot says
haha ‘lay their eggs onto Stuart Heritage’.
Filth speech.
Nice one.