David Arquette is a strange looking man. Somehow, he manages to look like he’s in his forties as well as looking like he’s about three-years-old. It’s an amazing head he’s got. It’s this simultaneous oldness and baby-facery that won the heart of the tight-faced Courtney Cox while shooting the Scream movie.
However, the pair have decided to split up with each other after 11 years of marriage. The news went public yesterday after word got out that pictures surfaced of David and another women ?with whom he had been intimate.?
And who is this woman who is clearly better in the sack than Her Off Friends? Well *clears throat* You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met you…
Apparently, Cox and Arquette have been living separately for months. The shits didn’t even have the decency to let us, the neediest of everyone, know about it. How inconsiderate!
It’s our duty to now belittle every single person we write about from this point onward thanks to this flagrant nastiness from one of Hollywood’s most boring couples.
They are so tedious that they’re not even planning on airing any dirty laundry or calling each other names in the press. They are going to ?remain friends,? and continue to co-parent their 6-year-old daughter Coco.
Really, with Mel Gibson showing everyone how to do it, this beige pair have no excuse.
Still, at least David Arquette is willing to provide us with a morsel of pointless news as he’s been sticking his penis in (and taking it out again, and putting it in again, and p… you know how sex works don’t you?) a cocktail waitress called Jasmine Waltz.
That’s a good name isn’t it? We can only hope she has friends called Parsley ChaChaCha and Basil Pasodoble.
If you’re thinking ‘Hey! I’ve heard that name before! You don’t forget a name like Jasmine Waltz!’, then you may recall that she punched Lindsay Lohan at an LA club in July.
Sadly, this fun might not last as Arquette and Cox are being hideously grown up about the whole thing and are muttering that despite living apart for some time, there is a good chance that they will reunite.
Shit heads.
Bobby says
Well, she’s hot and that’s all that matters.