Dire Danny Dyer has told the ever wonderful Zoo magazine that Orlando Bloom is a “cunt” who “can’t act” .
The famous idiom pot calling the kettle black springs to mind here. Although it’s more a case of the pot calling the kettle a cunt for being a pot.
It’s like Boris Johnson telling David Cameron he has a silly voice and stupid hair and feeling that his party’s views are “a little bit too conservative” for his liking.
Dyer, the moron star of immense twaddle such as Outlaw and The Business, gives the impression that he may just be the teeny weeniest little bit jealous of Orlando’s recent success.
“I do genuinely think Orlando Bloom is a cunt. I’ve never met him, but he’s in the same game as me and he’s loaded. I’m still living in the ghetto in East London and he’s earning three million quid a film. He got lucky. He came out of drama school and got Lord of the Rings.”
If we can just interject here for a moment: anyone who refers to East London as a ghetto without hint of irony or sarcasm is a dick. That is certified fact. No two ways about it. Dick.
We’re sure you would have been really very good in Lord of the Rings had Bloom not beaten you to it though. It may have gone a little something like this:
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY, we are the fellowship, we are the fellowship-ah! Fackin’ right in my son, Aragorn; give that Arwen one up the ring from me. Who’s wants a fackin’…..Oi! Frodo you cant, ‘ave you nicked my fackin’ rizla’s again?”
Dyer continued:
“He wasn’t all that good in it, but it put him on the map, didn’t it? He’s the opposite of me, he’s well media-trained and boring. Plus, he can’t act.”
Yeah. Yeah. Totally the opposite of you then. You’re just so bloody interesting and un-media trained, Dyer. How do you do it? Plus, you can act. You were really good in Skins as that man who did all those things in that place. And don’t even get us started on Severance. Melding comedy and horror together without including either genre in any way! Genius! It really worked.
Plus, this has put you on the map you big wanker. It may only be hecklerspray‘s map of cunts and you may only be the Britain to Bono‘s America on Planet Cunt, but it’s a map nonetheless.
Look, don’t get us wrong, we don’t rate Orlando Bloom’s acting either; we agree with you on that front, Dyer. We definitely do. It’s just that you happen to be a bigger cunt and an even more one-note actor, who, thanks to your ridiculously idiotic films and involvement with Zoo magazine, is contributing to the dumbing down of mainstream society. That’s all. No offense or anything. We’re sure you’re alright apart from that.
We would totally love to have a Stella with you and discuss football and listen to Oasis and look at some birds. We would love that. It’s just that we happen to be busy until the end of time. Or don’t want to, due to having a reasonable level of intellect. One of the two. We forget which.
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Rob Delaney says
Sorry, Danny who?
Stabby McGee says
Danny Dyer saying someone else can’t act? The man who clearly confused his acting auditon with standing in line at a jellied eels stand? Ouch, can’t think straight, brain hurting.
Mithaearon says
OMGZ I can’t believe you wrote that, Danny is a gift to films. Its a crime the oscars have over looked his talent…
…
I’m sorry can’t continue with that. Anyway, Danny who? Never heard of him.
Mentat says
What does c*** actually mean?
Well, I know that in the literal sense it means Fluffy Po-Po (or Shaved Po-Po), but what does it mean when applied to a person?
Does it mean:
[a] I don’t like that person
[b] that person has bested me
[c] that person is rude
[d] that person is unethical
[e] almost anything else negative that you might think of
I’m sure Mr. Dyer was trying to convey some meaningful semantics to me, but I’m not quite getting them.
not happy says
i think danny if he was explaining to you wat the word cunt means would be reffering to people like you who have “high intellect” but spend there time having a go at someone who is actually doing something as for the severence comment u obviuosly watched the movie with your pants over your eyes so wouldnt have been able to watch it anyway now find somethin else to do with your time try politics sounds right up your street there CxxT’s aswell
magnetite says
Hello, not happy.
As someone who is at least three different kinds of cunt (but I don’t think any of them are the type you’re thinking of) I feel like I can give you an opinion straight from the horse’s mouth:
Tim Roth played a violent thug in Made In Britain (but he didn’t play the same role over and over again)
Dickie Attenborough played a violent thug in Brighton Rock (but he didn’t play the same role over and over again)
Edward Norton played a violent thug in American History X (but he didn’t play the same role over and over again)
Mark Read played a (very real) violent thug in Chopper (but he didn’t play the same role over and over again)
Danny Dayer can’t do that. Which makes him a twat. a talentless one. Starts with the same letter, so it’s easy to remember.
Yours,
A cunt.
p.s. All good film above. Unlike Dyer’s oputput.
magnetite says
Sorry for typos at the end there. Ever so slightly drunk. And now wikipedia thinks I’m a bloody neo-nazi. Get in.
magnetite says
Oh, bollocks. Woke to spot I’d cut and pasted the wrong name. Must’ve been more than ‘slightly’. Eric Bana, and anyone who thought that I was competent just because I’m prolix – I feel I’ve let you down. Now you know what one of the three+ types of cunt I am.
A haphazard one.